September Newsletter Bits

BUILDING YOUR LIFE

After 30 years of building houses for Ben, a prominent land developer, Sam announced that he wanted to retire, buy some land of his own, and build a small home for himself and his wife. Sam had hoped for a large bonus for all his years of service, but instead Ben asked Sam if he would just build one more house. He gave Sam plans for a lovely home located on a choice piece of land with a magnificent view. It was for a very important person, Ben said, and he urged Sam to do his best work.
Because Sam was resentful, his heart was not in the project and his work was shoddy. He ignored architectural details and he even substituted inferior materials so he could pocket the difference.
When the house was finished, there was a big celebration and Ben gave Sam an envelope as a parting gift. "At last! The bonus!" Sam thought.
But there was no check in the envelope. Instead, it included a key, and a note: "For everything you've done, the house is yours."
Sam was ashamed and embarrassed. He not only misjudged Ben; he betrayed his professionalism by building an inferior home, a home that turned out to be his own.
Through our daily actions we all build the houses we will ultimately live in. Careless decisions and neglected relationships, lies and insincerity are the shoddy workmanship and inferior materials of life-building. Whenever we take shortcuts to get us through the days, we shortchange ourselves for years. Whenever we put in less than our best and ignore our potential for excellence, we create a future full of creaky floors, leaky roofs and crumbling foundations.


We Need ZZZs: If they're sleeping in church, it's because they don't sleep at home. Lack of shut-eye is dunning our days, including job performance. Nearly one quarter of those polled report catching a few winks while in a meeting, while 18% say a presentation suffered as a result, and 14% blame lack of sleep for missing a meeting or a flight. In Books & Culture, Lauren Winner called on Christians to do a really counter-cultural thing—stop your overachieving and get a good night's sleep.


“ACCOUNT MANAGEMENT”
“Account management” is a principle for working with people. You open an account with everyone your encounter. As you build the relationship you continue to manage the account. In a church  or any public service organization  you have to manage accounts on a number of levels; with colleagues, constituents, supporters, prospects and volunteers.

When you initiate a new relationship, you usually start out with a small positive balance. This is sometimes called “the benefit of the doubt.” Your account will then fluctuate based on your exchanges. You can make more deposits through positive exchanges. You make withdrawals through negative exchanges. The goal is to manage your accounts with people so that you maintain a positive balance, making more deposits than withdrawals, and
building up a larger account.

It usually takes several more deposits to equal a withdrawal. This is not fair. It’s just the way it is. You cannot make a withdrawal that exceeds your deposits without bankrupting the relationship. But provided you have made massive deposits, it is possible to survive massive withdrawals.

When you achieve a negative balance, others will close out your account. When an account is closed out on a minor withdrawal it is sometimes called “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” When an account is closed out, word gets around and you may find that others are less likely to do business with you. This is sometimes called “getting a bad reputation.”

What sorts of activities are deposits? What are withdrawals?

Deposits Withdrawals
Doing what you say you will, when Not following through.
you say you will.

Communicating regularly, clearly and Inconsistent, vague consistently.
communication.

Making things easier for others. Making things more difficult for others.

Taking initiative. Only acting when told.

Doing a lot of listening. Doing a lot of talking.

Paying attention to details. Letting details slide.

Showing interest in others. Being seemingly interested in only yourself.

Maintaining a positive attitude. Going negative.

Unfortunately, we do not receive a “statement” in the mail to tell us where our relational accounts stand. But people who get referred to as “a pain” are usually people who do not manage their accounts well, and are bankrupting their relationships. People who get referred to as “great people” are people who have very healthy account balances with lots of people. They are rich relationally.


HOW IS YOUR DAY?
There was once a woman in the nursing home who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today," so she did and it was a wonderful day.
The next day she awakened, looked in the mirror and saw she had only two hairs on her head. "HMM," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today," and she did and she enjoyed a grand day.
The following morning she looked in the mirror and saw she had only one hair left on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and it was a fun, wonderful day.
The day after that she checked her hair in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
And she was the first one to breakfast where she met everyone else with a smile and a "This is going to be the best day ever!"

One Line Parables
If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends....B1.
The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Minds are like parachutes... they function only when open.
Ideas won't work unless YOU do.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
You don't learn safety rules by accident.
We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.
A turtle makes progress when it sticks it's head out.
One thing you can give and still keep... is your word.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!!!


MORE GOOD BOOKS.. Books and Authors...
America's Longest River - By: Misses Hippy
Artificial Clothing - By: Polly Ester
Breaking the Law - By: Kermit A. Krime
Broken Beds - By: Squeak E. Springs
The Color of Eggs - By: Summer Brown
Danger! - By: Luke Out
Don't Hurt Me! - By: I. Bruce Easley
Downpour! - By: Wayne Dwops
Errors and Accidents - By: Miss Takes and Miss Haps
The Fall of a Watermelon - By: S. Platt
Falling Trees - By: Tim Burr
French Overpopulation - By: Francis Crowded
History of Texas - By: Al E. Moe
Hours in the Bathroom - By: R. U. Dunnyett
House Construction - By: Bill Jerome Holme
How to Be Organized - By: Miss Place
How to Groom Your Yard - By: Ray Cleaves
I Didn't Do It! - By: Ivan Alibi
I Don't Get It - By: Anita Clew
I Love Crowds By: - Morris Merrier
I Need Insurance - By: Justin Case
I'll Do It Soon - By: Will B. Dunn
Mineralogy for Giants - By: Chris Tall
No Appreciation For Art By: - Drew Lousy
Old Furniture - By: Anne Teak
The Past to the Distant Future - By: I. C. All
Ripping Pants - By: Ben Dover
Snakes of the World - By: Anna Conda
Where the Stars Are - By: Horace Cope


Painters and Pointers: Vastly Different Communication Styles
Why can't some people "get to the point?" They seem to on and on, jumping from subject to subject and never really saying anything. I get so frustrated. Why don't they just say what they mean without going into all that other stuff?
Why can't some people express themselves? I never know what they are thinking. If I do get something out of them, it is just a grunt or one word - or, if I am lucky, a whole phrase. How can I know what they are thinking if they don't communicate?
Wow - what a difference! People have two vastly different communication styles and they frustrate each other (and usually marry each other). Take the advice of James 1:19 - to be "quick to hear and slow to speak."
One style is that of a "painter," who "paints a picture" when he/she talks. There is a lot of emotion and colorful detail as the person expresses a frustration or something exciting that just happened. You have to sit back and watch the picture being painted to get to know this person's soul!
The other style is that of a "pointer," who will "get right to the point" when he/she talks. Unlike the painter, the pointer does not have to talk in order to process things inside. Instead, the pointer will think things through first, then come out with a summary. You have to ask for details to get to know this person's soul!
So if you are a "pointer," be aware that you may be listening to a "painter." Instead of looking for "the point" and getting frustrated, just sit back and enjoy the richness of the picture - then you can summarize all the detail yourself into the point.
And if you are a "painter," be aware that you may be listening to a "pointer." Instead of getting frustrated with no detail, listen carefully to the exact summarizing word of the pointer and double click" on it, asking for more detail.



Can God make a rock so big he can't lift it? I'm ashamed to admit it, but that question has plagued my faith walk ever since my early days of recess-evangelism in elementary school. It's a stupid question, I remind myself whenever I start thinking about it. Childish, immature, and unscientific. Yet, always, just when I think I've closed the door on the subject, two little words sneak through under the crack: Can he?
Of course, I have browsed through much of the intellectual arguments surrounding the issue. I know that it creates a straw man. I know that God's omnipotence refers to power more than odd abilities. I have even encountered mathematical equations proving that the question attempts to divide a number by an imaginary number (or something like that), and is thus invalid. Still, I wonder.
One thing I've noticed over the years, however, is that the question almost always pops up when I'm feeling far from God—on dreary Monday mornings when I only slept three hours the night before because the baby wasn't taking a bottle and my wife was sick and I've got a meeting in ten minutes and have to finish this newsletter introduction before I go. Those kinds of times.
Conversely, when I find myself in the presence of the Lord, the question never comes up. I just find there are more important things to think about.
This experience fits in with Isaiah 6:1-8, it teaches that once we've seen God, we respond by worshiping, confessing our sin, and going where he sends us. All the other stuff simply fades away.
Just to set the record straight, God is more powerful than we could ever imagine. As a result, he is sufficient for all of our needs.

August 27

The great composer does not set to work because he is inspired, but becomes inspired because he is working. Beethoven, Wagner, Bach, and Mozart settled down day after day to the job in hand. They didn't waste time waiting for inspiration.


A new study by the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation has found that serving garlic bread with spaghetti helps families get along better. In the experiment, those families who smelled and ate garlic bread not only cut down on the number of negative interactions between family members by nearly a quarter, but positive interactions actually increased by 7.4 percent. Most likely to be affected? Older males — namely, Dad — who both liked and had nostalgic feelings evoked by the aroma.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections!

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.

Fast food restaurants, in an attempt to appeal to consumers looking for so-called "indulgent" food, are increasingly creating meals that consist of giant portions, despite the objections of nutritionists. Burger King's new BK Stackers can include as much as four beef patties, four cheese slices, and four bacon strips.
A single Stacker can contain 1,000 calories and more than an entire day's recommended quanitity of fat. Denny's has also recently introduced an Extreme Grand Slam Breakfast, which includes three pancakes, three strips of bacon, three sausage links, two eggs, and hash browns. It totals 1,270 calories, 77 grams of fat and 2,510 milligrams of sodium.
The commericals for these products tend to emphasize a kind of pride in eating too much. In a commercial for the Extreme Grand Slam Breakfast, a man announces: "I'm going to eat too much, but I'm never going to pay too much."
Nutrition advocates have called such messages irresponsible in an age of rising obesity rates and diet-related diseases. Only half of the nation's top 300 chain restaurants currently give customers nutrition information, and none provide it on the menu.
In 1968 McDonald's had 1,000 restaurants, today it has about 30,000 and opens 2,000 new ones each year. In fact, McDonald's is the largest owner of retail property in the world. The company earns most of its profit from collecting rent, not from selling food.
McDonald's is the nation's largest purchaser of: * Beef * Pork * Potatoes
It is also the second largest purchaser of chicken.
The impact of McDonald's is hard to overstate. The golden arches are now more widely recognized than the Christian cross.
And if you are a parent, you know all too well that every month 90 percent of American children between the ages of 3 and 9 visit a McDonald's, where they receive massive doses of soda. McDonald's sells more Coca-Cola than anyone else in the world.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

"Failure seldom stops you, it's the fear of failure that does"

"People are in greater need of your praise when they try and fail, than when they try and succeed." -- Bob Moawad

"Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?" -- Unknown

"Assumptions are the termites of relationships." – Henry Winkler

"A skeptic won't take KNOW for an answer." -- Unknown

"He who has not forgiven an enemy has not yet tasted one of the most sublime enjoyments of life." -- Johann K. Lavater (eighteenth century)

Thoughts on golf,
1 "It's good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling." -Mark Twain
2 "One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball." -Don Carter, pro bowler
3 "I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart." - Buddy Hackett
4 "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald Ford
5 "I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It is called an eraser." -Arnold Palmer
6 "Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." -Winston Churchill
7 "Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle." - Anonymous
8 "Tee your ball high...air offers less resistance than dirt." - Jack Nicklaus
9 "Why is it that when you tell yourself, 'don't hit it in the water' your body only seems to hear the word 'water'?" - Anonymous
10 "The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name...and they say golf is a quiet game." - Anonymous
11 "Golf's a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink." -Bob Hope
12 "Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole. Anonymous
13 "Corollary: clubs don't float." - Anonymous
14 "He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie." - Mickey Mantle
15 "If there's lightning while you're golfing, take your 2 iron out of your bag and hold it high in the air.For even God can't hit a 2 iron." - Anonymous

Steve phoned his dentist when he received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" he complained. "This is three times what you normally charge."
"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients."

Difficult Sayings
That great American writer, Mark Twain, wrote: "Most people are bothered by those passages in Scriptures which they cannot understand; but as for me, I always notice that the passages in Scripture which trouble me most are those which I do understand." I suspect that, at times, we all would like to walk away from the church and never come back. We want a God different from the one we find in Jesus.



Chocolate may contain a chemical that makes one feel loved but when it comes to comfort foods, people also like soup or mom's pot roast. That's according to a survey of 1,005 consumers, conducted by University of Illinois researchers, which found women prefer chocolate and cookies while men gravitate toward soup, pizza and pasta.

WINNERS VERSUS LOSERS
1. A winner says, "Let's find out." A loser says, "Nobody knows."
2. When a winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong." When a loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."
3. A winner goes through a problem. A loser goes around it, and never gets past it.
4. A winner makes commitments. A loser makes promises.
5. A winner says, "I'm good, but not as good as I ought to be." A loser says, "I'm not as bad as a lot of other people are."
6. A winner tries to learn from those who are superior to him. A loser tries to tear down those who are superior to him."
7. A winner says, "There ought to be a better way to do it." A loser says, "That's the way it's always been done here."

"If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won't, you most assuredly won't. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad."

"You're never as good as everyone tells you when you win, and you're never as bad as they say when you lose." -- Lou Holtz

"You can't succeed at anything unless you're willing to risk failure." -- Anonymous

"If you want to hit home runs, you need to be willing to strike out. Remember, the year Babe Ruth broke all records for hitting the most home runs, he also broke all records for the most strikeouts." -- Anonymous

"A high jumper never knows how high he can jump until he reaches his failure point." -- Robert Schuller

August 20

"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at what they can do when they stick together." The church is a most fragile thing, because it certainly doesn't take much to pull us apart sometimes. But when we are awakened spiritually, when we are returning to God, when we are united, just look at what we can do when we are sticking together!
--Rocky Henriques


The History of Medication
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is unhealthy. Here, eat this root.


A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil promptly replied, "Dot com."

The new roll call of planets, starting closest to the sun, would be: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Ceres, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Charon and Xena. (Xena is officially known as UB313 until the IAU gets around to formally naming it.)

Snow White's seven dwarfs are more well-known than the U.S. Supreme Court Justices, according to a recent Zogby International poll." Three quarters of Americans can correctly identify two of the seven dwarfs but only a quarter can name two Supreme Court Justices. Seventy-four percent identified the Three Stooges — Larry, Curly and Moe — but only 42 percent could name the three branches of the U.S. government.

Worship, friends, joy Could it be that we should put a sign over the doors of our churches: Danger Inside!? Then the worship folder might have a heading that says, "This is a warning. In this service you may actually encounter the holy God who has awesome power, and an intense interest in a relationship with you. You may be totally changed here. You may have to leave your worries and anxieties here. (Then what will occupy your time?) You may be emboldened to live a courageous, victorious life, fearful of nothing, able for anything. You may also find the most loyal of friends who wear you out with their concern and love, who seem to want to have a steadfast relationship with you to the point where you may say "Enough already!" Finally, in this place you may receive so much joy you simply won't know what to do with it except to share it with others wherever you go. What a dangerous bore you may become! This is indeed a hazardous place and we have warned you.


“Good morning to you down there! Well it could be worse, but I see a pretty big jam-up at the intersection of Selfishness and Sacrifice today, you need to beware that you don’t get bogged down at that spot. You might want to take the bypass through Psalm 86:11 which will lead you around Brokenness and into Whole-Hearted Devotion. Be sure to watch out for the outbreak of Wickedness that will keep you swatting at your dark side near the off-ramp to Despair. You may need to slow down and refer to your map which outlines the Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. But if you shoot straight down Purpose 101, persevere through the curves of Corruption, and pray over the potholes of Pride you should be home in no time!”

The average wedding costs between $20,000 and $25,000. - Source: Hallmark.com

"Satan never plays fair; he is a deceiver and a liar. He does not like you or me, and it might surprise you that he has a plan of destruction for your life. The only hope for people is to know the true and living God." - Wayde Goodall, The Battle, Creation House, 2005

"Make sure you are in trouble for Jesus, because if the idols that are surrounding you are leaving you alone, chances are that's because you are worshipping them and not walking the way of the cross." - Ronald Boyd-MacMillan, Faith that Endures, Revell, 2006

A man and his wife were arguing about family members. "It's just not right", the wife said. "You don't like anybody in my family!"
"That's not true," replied the husband. "I like your mother-in-law much better than my mother-in-law."

The minister delivered his Sunday morning service as usual but this particular Sunday it was considerably longer than normal. However, it was so well prepared and had so many wonderful scripture quotations he just knew it would be a big hit with the congregation.
At the end of the service he stood shaking hands with parishioners as they exited. One man paused and said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing."
About the time the minister broke out in a big smile the man completed his comment by adding, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!"

"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky.
"Mmm hmm." replied Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "You say the most beautiful things!"

Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.



** When the hot word of God is poured over a cold, cold world, things break, and it is into that brokenness that we are called, into whatever big or small piece we find in front of us, with fire in our bones, to show a frightened world that it is not the heat of fire that we fear, but the chill that lies ahead if the fire goes out. -- Barbara Brown Taylor


There are only two things a child will share willingly:
communicable diseases and their mother's age.


Christ in Me and I in Him
There is an story about minister walking along the ocean with his small son. The boy questioned his father about Sunday's sermon. The boy said, "Dad, I cannot understand how Christ can live in us and we live in him at the same time." Further down the beach, the father noticed an empty bottle with a cork in it. Taking the bottle, he half filled it with water, recorked it and flung it out into the ocean.
As they watched the bottle bob up and down he said, "Son, the sea is in the bottle and the bottle is in the sea. It is a picture of life in Christ. You live under the Lordship of Christ and He lives in you."

Experience comes from what we have done. Wisdom comes from what we have done badly. Theodore Levitt, Harvard Business School

A Hunger For God
Someone has said that our model for living today is more like Madonna, the "material girl," than it is like Mother Teresa. Have we somehow confused our wants with our needs? So, we may be hungry not hungry for food, but hungry in another way. In one of her books, Mother Teresa writes: ?The spiritual poverty of the Western world is much greater than the physical poverty of Third World people. You in the West have millions of people who suffer such terrible loneliness and emptiness. They feel unwanted and unloved ... These people are not hungry in a physical sense but they are in another way. They know they need something more than money, yet they don't know what it is. What they are missing really is a living relationship with God.?

There are 2 secrets to understanding women........ and unfortunately, no one knows either of them :-)

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

August 13, 2006

"My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments." - Steven Wright

Nobel novelist, Mahfouz Naguib says: “You can tell if a man is clever by his answers. You can tell if a man is wise by his questions.”

Though the legendary Willie Stargell still holds a number of Pittsburgh Pirates slugging records, he is remembered most for the heart he brought to the game. “I would have played for free,” he once remarked. “After all, the umpire says ‘play ball,’ not ‘work ball.’ It was never a job to me.”
It was Stargell who encouraged the 1979 Pirates to use Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family” as a theme for the team’s togetherness. “We were products of different races, different income brackets,” he said of his fellow World Series champions, “but in the clubhouse and on the field, we were one.”
He and his team made a long and productive (and ultimately successful) journey — and they made it together.

Has it ever occurred to you that 100 pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So 100 worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become “unity” conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship. —A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.


Two Norwegians from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake, fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."

Those voices you hear when you call a company? They’re called “automated attendants.” One would hope that the church is not a church of automated attendants, but animated ministers who offer real bread, real water, real clothes, real shelter, real hope, real answers for a needy world.

One evening my husband, Mark, and our preschooler, Krystal, were on the couch chatting. "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" I overheard her ask sweetly.
My husband proudly replied, "Yes, I'm the boss of the house."
But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "'Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?"

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???"
"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!"

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy "playing wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." -- Hugh Downs

"The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital." -- Joe Paterno, football coach

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." -- James Matthew Barrie

"The church has been likened to a football game in which thousands of spectators desperately in need of exercise are watching a handful of players desperately in need of rest. Are you a spectator or a player?" – Unknown



Americans have sipped their way to fatness by drinking far more soda and other sugary drinks over the last four decades, a new scientific review concludes.
An extra can of soda a day can pile on 15 pounds (7 kilograms) in a single year, and the evidence strongly suggests that this sort of increased consumption is a key reason that more people have gained weight, the researchers say.

The perfume industry has long followed conventions: nice-smelling ingredients, usually derived from flowers and plants, are blended into a harmony of aromas, creating fragrant concoctions to allure and delight.
But an emerging trend is seeing perfumers break with tradition, as they look to diversify in an over-flooded market. Cheese, cars and the smell of sweat are just some of the latest scents to be captured and bottled for a market eager to try unique and individual new perfumes.

In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy demanded that Linus change TV channels, threatening him with her fist if he didn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus.
“These five fingers,” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.”
”Which channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”

Human Knowledge Listen to this statistic: Knowledge is exploding at such a rate--more than 2000 pages a minute--that even Einstein couldn't keep up. In fact, if you read 24 hours a day, from age 21 to 70, and retained all you read, you would be one and a half million years behind when you finished (Campus Life) An amazing statistic. Now tell me when do you suppose this information was compiled? It will alarm you that these statistics do not take into account the Internet. They do not even take into account the personal computer. And, why not? It is because the statistics are from 1979.
It is crucial that we learn not the glut of information that is screaming down towards us on the information super highway, but that we learn something that will sustain us for the days to come. The Prophets from of old proclaimed: They will all be taught by God. Are we listening?

Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.



The church was considering the purchase of a new Chandelier. A parishioner who was unable to attend the business meeting where it was initially discussed wrote a note to the head deacon to express her opinion. The note said simply:
I am definitely opposed to buying a new chandelier for the church, for three reasons:
(1) I can't spell chandelier. (2) If we got one, who's going to play it? (3) If we've got that kind of money in the treasury, why don't we buy a new light fixture to brighten up the church sanctuary?

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?

Orson Welles once said, "My doctor has advised me to give up those intimate little dinners for 4, unless, of course, there are 3 other people eating with me."

My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host -in
this case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you."
Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."

A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions ... you'll never learn anything!"

"There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air." - Steven Wright

Posted in a campus restaurant was this sign for a credit-card company: "Accepted at more colleges than you were."

August 6, 2006

A small boy told a Sunday school teacher: "When you die, God takes care of you like your parents did when you were alive — only God doesn't yell at you all the time."


Now That’s Hot The highest temperature recorded anywhere on Earth was in Aziziyah, Libya, in September of 1922 – 136 degrees Fahrenheit.
The highest temperature recorded in the United States was in Death Valley, Calif., in July of 1913 – 134 degrees Fahrenheit.

"I am convinced that modern-day miracles can take place when people enter our churches. The hour on Sunday can be a time of wonder, a time to quiet souls, spark deep emotion, and prompt turning points with eternal significance."

"Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation." - C. Everett Koop

"There is nothing that is more dangerous to your own salvation, more unworthy of God and more harmful to your own happiness, than that you should be content to remain as you are." - Francois Fenelon, French Archbishop, 444 Surprising Quotes about Jesus

"My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?" - Dave Attell

"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him." -- Michael, 14

"There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt


A Thought for the Day
There's an old fable about a miserable rich man who went to visit a rabbi. The rabbi took the rich man by the hand and led him to a window. "Look out there," he said. The rich man looked into the street. "What do you see?" asked the rabbi. "I see men, women, and children," answered the rich man. Again the rabbi took him by the hand and this time led him to a mirror. "Now what do you see?" "Now I see myself," the rich man replied.
Then the rabbi said, "Behold, in the window there is glass, and in the mirror there is glass. But the glass of the mirror is covered with a little silver, and no sooner is the silver added than you cease to see others, but you see only yourself....

Recently while preparing my grandson for kindergarten, I asked him to state his full name. He did this without a problem, but when I asked his address, he hesitated a few seconds. Then he proceeded with, "WWW dot...Oh, I can't remember the rest of it."
What a difference technology has made!!

A little boy was once asked by his Sunday school teacher if he knew the Ten commandments. "No ma'am," came the reply, "my dad said that I don't have to know them since they are doing away with them anyway."

"Use the past as a springboard, not as a sofa." – Unknown

"The will to conquer is the first condition of victory." -- Ferdinand Foch

"When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." -- Rabbi Abraham Heschel

"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they will not be here tomorrow. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." -- Og Mandino

"The effects of kindness are not always seen immediately. Sometimes it takes years until your kindness will pay off. Sometimes you never see the fruits of your labors, but they are there, deep inside of the soul of the one you touched." -- Dan Kelly

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"
A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."
The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could
you do that, Mr. Perkins?"
The member of the flock said, "I sure could."
"How would you do it?"
"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"

A Messy Kitchen Real signs found in the real kitchens of real people.
"A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious."
"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."
"If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap."
"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
"My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

These sayings point to some of our society's attitudes about food: 'only junk food is enjoyable', 'food is meant to satisfy us', 'if I had to cook it, it doesn't taste good', and 'as long as it's not good for me, I should eat as much as I want'. We stuff ourselves, trying to fill the hole inside of us with food, as if we could eat something that would satisfy us. But we
could stuff ourselves at every meal and still be hungry for something deeper!
God-shaped Vacuum "There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ." Blaise Pascal

A Chinese scholar was lecturing when all the lights in the auditorium went out. He asked members of the audience to raise their hands. As soon as they had all complied, the lights went on again. He then said, "Prove wisdom of Old Chinese saying: 'Many hands make light work."

Fred was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself..."so he took wheels from a Cadillac, a radiator from a Ford, some tires and fenders from a Plymouth..." "Holy Cow," interrupted his friend, "What did he end up with?" And Fred replied, "Two years."