August 13, 2006
"My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments." - Steven Wright
Nobel novelist, Mahfouz Naguib says: “You can tell if a man is clever by his answers. You can tell if a man is wise by his questions.”
Though the legendary Willie Stargell still holds a number of Pittsburgh Pirates slugging records, he is remembered most for the heart he brought to the game. “I would have played for free,” he once remarked. “After all, the umpire says ‘play ball,’ not ‘work ball.’ It was never a job to me.”
It was Stargell who encouraged the 1979 Pirates to use Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family” as a theme for the team’s togetherness. “We were products of different races, different income brackets,” he said of his fellow World Series champions, “but in the clubhouse and on the field, we were one.”
He and his team made a long and productive (and ultimately successful) journey — and they made it together.
Has it ever occurred to you that 100 pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So 100 worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become “unity” conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship. —A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.
Two Norwegians from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake, fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."
Those voices you hear when you call a company? They’re called “automated attendants.” One would hope that the church is not a church of automated attendants, but animated ministers who offer real bread, real water, real clothes, real shelter, real hope, real answers for a needy world.
One evening my husband, Mark, and our preschooler, Krystal, were on the couch chatting. "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" I overheard her ask sweetly.
My husband proudly replied, "Yes, I'm the boss of the house."
But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "'Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?"
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???"
"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!"
A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy "playing wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." -- Hugh Downs
"The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital." -- Joe Paterno, football coach
"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." -- James Matthew Barrie
"The church has been likened to a football game in which thousands of spectators desperately in need of exercise are watching a handful of players desperately in need of rest. Are you a spectator or a player?" – Unknown
Americans have sipped their way to fatness by drinking far more soda and other sugary drinks over the last four decades, a new scientific review concludes.
An extra can of soda a day can pile on 15 pounds (7 kilograms) in a single year, and the evidence strongly suggests that this sort of increased consumption is a key reason that more people have gained weight, the researchers say.
The perfume industry has long followed conventions: nice-smelling ingredients, usually derived from flowers and plants, are blended into a harmony of aromas, creating fragrant concoctions to allure and delight.
But an emerging trend is seeing perfumers break with tradition, as they look to diversify in an over-flooded market. Cheese, cars and the smell of sweat are just some of the latest scents to be captured and bottled for a market eager to try unique and individual new perfumes.
In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy demanded that Linus change TV channels, threatening him with her fist if he didn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus.
“These five fingers,” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.”
”Which channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”
Human Knowledge Listen to this statistic: Knowledge is exploding at such a rate--more than 2000 pages a minute--that even Einstein couldn't keep up. In fact, if you read 24 hours a day, from age 21 to 70, and retained all you read, you would be one and a half million years behind when you finished (Campus Life) An amazing statistic. Now tell me when do you suppose this information was compiled? It will alarm you that these statistics do not take into account the Internet. They do not even take into account the personal computer. And, why not? It is because the statistics are from 1979.
It is crucial that we learn not the glut of information that is screaming down towards us on the information super highway, but that we learn something that will sustain us for the days to come. The Prophets from of old proclaimed: They will all be taught by God. Are we listening?
Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
The church was considering the purchase of a new Chandelier. A parishioner who was unable to attend the business meeting where it was initially discussed wrote a note to the head deacon to express her opinion. The note said simply:
I am definitely opposed to buying a new chandelier for the church, for three reasons:
(1) I can't spell chandelier. (2) If we got one, who's going to play it? (3) If we've got that kind of money in the treasury, why don't we buy a new light fixture to brighten up the church sanctuary?
God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?
Orson Welles once said, "My doctor has advised me to give up those intimate little dinners for 4, unless, of course, there are 3 other people eating with me."
My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host -in
this case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you."
Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions ... you'll never learn anything!"
"There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air." - Steven Wright
Posted in a campus restaurant was this sign for a credit-card company: "Accepted at more colleges than you were."
Nobel novelist, Mahfouz Naguib says: “You can tell if a man is clever by his answers. You can tell if a man is wise by his questions.”
Though the legendary Willie Stargell still holds a number of Pittsburgh Pirates slugging records, he is remembered most for the heart he brought to the game. “I would have played for free,” he once remarked. “After all, the umpire says ‘play ball,’ not ‘work ball.’ It was never a job to me.”
It was Stargell who encouraged the 1979 Pirates to use Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family” as a theme for the team’s togetherness. “We were products of different races, different income brackets,” he said of his fellow World Series champions, “but in the clubhouse and on the field, we were one.”
He and his team made a long and productive (and ultimately successful) journey — and they made it together.
Has it ever occurred to you that 100 pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord by being tuned, not to each other, but to another standard to which each one must individually bow. So 100 worshipers [meeting] together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be, were they to become “unity” conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship. —A. W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God.
Two Norwegians from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake, fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."
Those voices you hear when you call a company? They’re called “automated attendants.” One would hope that the church is not a church of automated attendants, but animated ministers who offer real bread, real water, real clothes, real shelter, real hope, real answers for a needy world.
One evening my husband, Mark, and our preschooler, Krystal, were on the couch chatting. "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" I overheard her ask sweetly.
My husband proudly replied, "Yes, I'm the boss of the house."
But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "'Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?"
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???"
"Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!"
A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy "playing wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes." -- Hugh Downs
"The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital." -- Joe Paterno, football coach
"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves." -- James Matthew Barrie
"The church has been likened to a football game in which thousands of spectators desperately in need of exercise are watching a handful of players desperately in need of rest. Are you a spectator or a player?" – Unknown
Americans have sipped their way to fatness by drinking far more soda and other sugary drinks over the last four decades, a new scientific review concludes.
An extra can of soda a day can pile on 15 pounds (7 kilograms) in a single year, and the evidence strongly suggests that this sort of increased consumption is a key reason that more people have gained weight, the researchers say.
The perfume industry has long followed conventions: nice-smelling ingredients, usually derived from flowers and plants, are blended into a harmony of aromas, creating fragrant concoctions to allure and delight.
But an emerging trend is seeing perfumers break with tradition, as they look to diversify in an over-flooded market. Cheese, cars and the smell of sweat are just some of the latest scents to be captured and bottled for a market eager to try unique and individual new perfumes.
In a Peanuts cartoon, Lucy demanded that Linus change TV channels, threatening him with her fist if he didn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take over?” asks Linus.
“These five fingers,” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them together like this into a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to behold.”
”Which channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”
Human Knowledge Listen to this statistic: Knowledge is exploding at such a rate--more than 2000 pages a minute--that even Einstein couldn't keep up. In fact, if you read 24 hours a day, from age 21 to 70, and retained all you read, you would be one and a half million years behind when you finished (Campus Life) An amazing statistic. Now tell me when do you suppose this information was compiled? It will alarm you that these statistics do not take into account the Internet. They do not even take into account the personal computer. And, why not? It is because the statistics are from 1979.
It is crucial that we learn not the glut of information that is screaming down towards us on the information super highway, but that we learn something that will sustain us for the days to come. The Prophets from of old proclaimed: They will all be taught by God. Are we listening?
Talk is cheap because Supply exceeds Demand.
The church was considering the purchase of a new Chandelier. A parishioner who was unable to attend the business meeting where it was initially discussed wrote a note to the head deacon to express her opinion. The note said simply:
I am definitely opposed to buying a new chandelier for the church, for three reasons:
(1) I can't spell chandelier. (2) If we got one, who's going to play it? (3) If we've got that kind of money in the treasury, why don't we buy a new light fixture to brighten up the church sanctuary?
God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?
Orson Welles once said, "My doctor has advised me to give up those intimate little dinners for 4, unless, of course, there are 3 other people eating with me."
My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host -in
this case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you."
Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions ... you'll never learn anything!"
"There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air." - Steven Wright
Posted in a campus restaurant was this sign for a credit-card company: "Accepted at more colleges than you were."
posted by joypastordon at 5:29 PM
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