December 23

"MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR" IN 40 LANGUAGES
Apache (Western) - Gozhqq Keshmish
Arabic - I'D Miilad Said ous Sana Saida
Croatian - Sretan Bozic
Danish - Glædelig Jul og godt nytår
Farsi - Sal-e no mubarak
French - Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
German - Fröhliche Weihnachten und ein glückliches Neues Jahr!
Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos
Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka & Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Shanah Tova
Hindi - Shubh Naya Baras
Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Iroquois - Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson homungradon nagwutut & Ojenyunyat osrasay
Italian - Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Kyrghyz - JangI jIlIngIz guttuu bolsun!
Latin - Pax hominibus bonae voluntatis
Maori - Kia orana e kia manuia rava i teia Kiritimeti e te Mataiti Ou
Mongolian - Zul saryn bolon shine ony mend devshuulye
Nepali - krist Yesu Ko Shuva Janma Utsav Ko Upalaxhma Hardik Shuva & Naya Barsa Ko harkik Shuvakamana
Norweigan/Nynorsk - Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og Godt Nyttår
Polish - Wesolych Swiat i Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.
Portuguese - Boas Festas e um feliz Ano Novo
Romanian - Craciun fericit si un An Nou fericit!
Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan - Ia manuia le Kilisimasi ma le tausaga fou
Somali - ciid wanaagsan iyo sanad cusub oo fiican.
Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo
Sudanese - Wilujeng Natal Sareng Warsa Enggal
Swedish - God Jul och Gott Nytt År
Tagalog - Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon
Tahitian - Ia ora i te Noere e ia ora na i te matahiti 'api
Thai - Suksan Wan Christmas lae Sawadee Pee Mai
Ukrainian - Veseloho Vam Rizdva i Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku!
Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh - Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Zulu - Sinifesela Ukhisimusi Omuhle Nonyaka Omusha Onempumelelo
See the full list of 350+ languages: http://snipurl.com/350languages


CHRISTMAS LOVE - paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at
mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the spouse.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails. Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of LOVE will endure. -Author Unknown

"Most of the important things in the world have been accompanied by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." -- Dale Carnegie


Christmas is not a myth, not a tradition, not a dream. It is a glorious reality. It is a time of joy. Bethlehem's manger crib became the link that bound a lost world to a loving God. From that manger came a Man who not only taught us a new way of life, but brought us into a new relationship with our Creator. Christmas means that God is interested in the affairs of people; that God loves us so much that He was willing to give His Son. --Billy Graham

This is Christmas, the real meaning of it: God loving, searching, giving Himself to us; man needing, receiving, giving himself to God. Redemption’s glorious exchange of gifts without which we cannot live, without which we cannot give to those we love anything of lasting value. This is the meaning of Christmas, the wonder and the glory of it. --Ruth Bell Graham

"We used to play 'spin the bottle' when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."

What Did We Do To Deserve This?
In an old "Dennis the Menace" cartoon, Dennis and his little friend Joey are leaving Mrs. Wilson's house, their hands full of cookies. Joey says, "I wonder what we did to deserve this." Dennis answers, "Look, Joey. Mrs. Wilson gives us cookies not because we're nice, but because she's nice."

Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and, thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement twelve months a year, also.

For many years I thought Jesus wanted me to save souls. And then I discovered Jesus wanted me to save people. There’s a whole lot more than getting them to pray a little prayer. John Thomas, pastor of Fish Hoek Baptist Church in Cape Town, South Africa

Religion is not “doctrinal knowledge,” but wisdom born of personal experience. - Martin Luther

A PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Be with us at the holidays
and guide us, Lord, we pray --
through crowded stores at busy malls
please help us find our way;
When Christmas trees won't stand up straight,
please keep us calm and steady,
and help us not get too 'wrapped up'
in getting presents ready.
Deliver us from all the fuss
of too much cookie baking,
and give us time for savoring
sweet memories in the making;
in all we do may we keep Christ
in Christmastime somehow -
and may we know a little of
Your 'peace on earth' right now! Amen.

THE CANDY CANE
Many years ago in Indiana, there was a Christian candymaker who wanted to make something that would remind Christians that Jesus was the reason we celebrate Christmas.
So, he began with pure white candy to represent holiness, the righteousness, the purity of Christ. Then he added three thin red stripes to represent the stripes that Christ took for us for our healing when He was beaten so we might walk in health. He continued to decorate and added a larger, wide red stripe that signifies the blood that Christ shed at Calvary for our sin to make a way for us to be members of the Kingdom of God.
He made the candy very hard to represent Jesus as our Rock - the One who never fails us regardless of the storms of life that come our way. Also, he made it very sweet - because Jesus is sweet... taste and see that Jesus is the "Sweetest Name I Know". He curved the candy to look like a shepherd's staff... to remind us that Jesus is our shepherd and we shall not want.
And he gave it special meaning... because when you turn the candy cane upside-down, what letter is it? Now, this Christmas when you see a candy cane, don't just see a piece of candy or decoration, but see the real reason we celebrate this wonderful time of the year ... Jesus!!!

December 16

A CHRISTMAS VERSION OF 1 CORINTHIANS 13
If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.
If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.
If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.
If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend all of the parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do not focus on Christ, I have missed the point.
Love stops the cooking to hug the child.
Love sets aside the decorating to kiss the husband.
Love is kind, though harried and tired.
Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.
Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.
Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return but rejoices in giving to those who can't.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust, but giving the gift of love will endure.
Merry Christmas to you and yours! -Author Unknown


Frequently God doesn't make sense. There seems to be no rhyme or reason for what is going on. Circumstances just don't seem to be squaring up with what we know about God. We become frustrated, taste bitterness, begin to doubt, experience confusion and feelings of helplessness and defeat. That should come as no surprise. God has already given us advance notice. "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8, KJV) --Gale Fields, Wycliffe missionary

Jesus' Dad's Name
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge."
Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''


It is the worst of times. It is the best of times. The Christmas you have depends upon YOU.

The Christmas experience WITHOUT CHRIST
C - Credit Cards that help my spending go crazy
H - Headache when the house is over run by family
R - Remembering everyone's desire is fulfilled
I - Insult when my gifts are rejected
S - Stress while overwhelmed
T - Truckloads of food consumed
M - Massive debt that puts me behind all year
A - Awful feeling that I forgot someone
S - Sorrow from offenses received

The Christmas experience WITH CHRIST
C - Christ child who is born this day
H - Holy and righteous one to follow
R - Remember Christ who died that I may live
I - Inspiration to always give
S – Songs, Praise and Worship to the King
T - Thank the Lord for saving me today
M - Miracles that are for today
A - Almighty and merciful Lord I serve
S – Self-control, love, joy, peace, patience…

We Can't See What Is Before Us, We Are Never Content
In a Peanuts comic strip Lucy is speaking with Linus at the base of a hill. She says, "Someday I'm going over that hill and find the answer to my dreams.... Someday I'm going over that hill and find hope and fulfillment. I think, for me, all the answers to life lie beyond these clouds and over the grassy slopes of that hill!"
Linus removes his thumb from his mouth, points toward the hill, and responds: "Perhaps there's another little kid on the other side of that hill who is looking this way and thinking that all the answers to life lie on this side of the hill." Lucy looks at Linus, then turns toward the hill and yells, "Forget it, kid!"

My God, I have never thanked Thee for my thorn. I have thanked Thee a thousand times for my roses, but not once for my thorn. I have been looking forward to a world where I shall get compensation for my cross, but I have never thought of my cross as itself a present glory. Thou divine Love, whose human path has been perfected through sufferings, teach me the glory of my cross, teach me the value of my thorn. --George Matheson

"My mentor said, 'Let's go do it,' not 'You go do it.' How powerful when someone says, 'Let's!'" -- Jim Rohn


OUR KING’S BIRTHDAY
J-esus, Son of God Eternal,
E-verlasting Lord is He,
S-avior of a world of sinners,
U-niversal King to be,
S-ought us, bro’t us victory.

C-hrist is due all adoration,
H-umbly born to save our race,
R-uler of the whole creation
I-ntercedes and gives us grace,
S-aves us from sin’s condemnation,
T-ruly worthy of all praise! --Author Unknown

You do not see a rainbow on a cloudless, rainless day. You see the rainbow when there are clouds and rain. So the most beautiful and most valuable experiences of your life will not be in the day of the unclouded sky and the serene sunlight, but in the days of adversity and of sorrow and trial. Then God's greatest and most gracious truths proclaim themselves across the firmament of our life. --Clarence Macartney

Little Johnny was in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.
When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear him say, "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?

DISQUALIFIED! by Stan Mitchell
"If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight reign on his tongue, hedeceives himself, and his religion is worthless" (James 1:27).
The fastest man who ever lived was Ben Johnson, a broad-shouldered Canadian sprinter. In the Seoul Olympics of 1988, he ran the fastest one hundred meters in history. But don't look for his name in the record books, because he was disqualified. Not because he wasn't fast. Not because he wasn't talented. Because he broke the rules. He was taking anabolic steroids.
Could your Christianity be disqualified? You may not want to read on, but you must! You don't want to be disqualified. James begins by saying, "If anyone considers himself religious." If you've read this far, you probably qualify. You don't consider yourself a pagan! This verse is about you. So, if anyone thinks he is a Christian, yet does certain things, he "deceives himself, and his religion is worthless."
We might go to church and sing the songs. We might study the Bible and preach sermons. And still be disqualified. And, what is even more frightening, all along we have deceived ourselves into thinking that we are religious!
So what is this deadly spiritual steroid that will disqualify us from the race? Is it murder? Embezzlement? Racism? Some people, James says, fool themselves into thinking that their religion is sound, yet they will be disqualified because they fail to control their tongues!
Angry words. Gossip. Spiteful, or demeaning remarks. Destructive and bruising words. Are you guilty? Am I? Be careful how you respond. James insists that many are "deceived" into thinking that their religion is OK when it is not. In a word, if you think that this verse does not apply to you, that may the very sign that it does! Words can bind the wounds of the injured and heal the broken bones of the fallen. Or they can strip bare another's heart. Use words carefully. In the race of life, there is a record book, what the Bible calls the "Book of life." And you want to have your name written there.

Ronald Reagan once quipped: "But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret."

December 9

The Weaver
My life is but a weaving between my Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride
forget He sees the upper but I the under side.

Not till the loom is silent and the shuttles cease to fly,
shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needed in the Weaver's skillful hand,
as threads of gold and silver in the pattern life has planned

When to Change Directions
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to move on to another field. Paul Harvey tells the story of Joe, who was born into a family of Sicilian immigrants, a family who had a 300-year history as fishermen. Joe's dad was a fisherman. His brothers were fishermen. But Joe was made sick by the smell of raw fish and the motion of a rocking boat. In a family where the only acceptable way to earn a living was by fishing, Joe was a failure. His dad used to refer to his son as "good for nothing." Joe believed his dad. He believed that his attempts at other types of work were an admission of failure, but he just couldn't stand the smell of the fishing business. One thing that Joe could do was to play baseball. Giving up a field where he could not succeed, Joe DiMaggio moved to another field and became one of the great successes of baseball.

"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress." ~ Ronald Reagan

"It's nice to be important; but it's more important to be nice." -- Unknown

"Never follow the crowd in what you do; the crowd has never produced anything of lasting quality, value or beauty." -- Denis Waitley

"When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life or in the life of another." -- Helen Keller

* MICROCOSM *
If we could shrink the earth's population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, there would be:
57 Asians
21 Europeans
14 from the Western Hemisphere, both north and south
8 Africans
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be non-white
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
6 people would possess 59% of the entire world's wealth
and all 6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death; 1 would be near birth
1 (yes, only 1) would have a college education
1 would own a computer
When one considers our world from such a compressed perspective, the need for both acceptance, understanding and education becomes glaringly apparent.

A mathematical wonder: 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives the result
12, 345, 678, 987, 654, 321.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

The thumbnail grows the slowest, and the middle nail grows the fastest.

The only word in the English Language with all vowels in reverse order is
"s ub c ont in ent al".

From “Preparing for Christmas” by Richard Rohr:
“We’re not waiting for the darkness to go away, brothers and sisters. I’ve certainly worked long enough in ministry to know it won’t go away. We wish it would go away, especially in some of the great social issues. We wish world hunger would be eliminated. We wish we’d stop creating arms and killing people. But one has to surrender at a certain point and admit that the darkness is here. How do we deal with that?
Don’t name the darkness light! Don’t name darkness good. I think many of our people have been seduced into doing that. The way out is to simply stop calling it OK. When we refuse to name darkness, we will be trapped by it. That’s dangerous and false innocence. When we can name the darkness, we can learn how to live so that the darkness does not overcome us. The problem of the First World countries is that the edges between darkness and light in middle-class society have become very, very vague. When nothing is forbidden, nothing is required.”

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

Americans Vary in Their Religious Beliefs
Born-again Christians — the term usually referring to evangelical Protestants, according to christianpost.com — are more likely to believe in traditional elements of the faith, according to a recent Harris Interactive poll. Examples include 92 percent who believe in the devil and hell, in comparison to Catholics who believe in the devil at 73 percent (hell at 75%) and Protestants who believe in the devil at 79 percent (hell at 78%).
Interestingly, 89 percent of born-again Christians believe in the virgin birth, as compared to Catholics at 72 percent or Protestants at 79 percent. Fewer born-again Christians believe in Darwin's theory of evolution at 16 percent, compared to Catholics at 43 percent and Protestants at 30 percent. Born-again Christians are more likely to believe in miracles (95%) than Catholics (87%) or Protestants (89%).
Born-again Christians believe that the Old Testament and the New Testament are mostly the Word of God (88% and 86% respectively); while only 33 percent believe that The Torah is the word of God, even though it is the same as the first five books of the Old Testament.
Visit www.harrisinteractive.com for the entire survey.

Former retired engineer, Guenther Eichmann, 54, was stopped by police after he was clocked doing 40mph down a street in a tuned-up electric wheelchair, according to Ananova. Eichmann told police in Geseke, Germany, that he had modified the wheel chair's electric engine so it could go faster. After being stopped doing twice the speed limit, his vehicle was confiscated and he was slapped with a fine.

December Newsletter

Twas the night before Christmas (By Rev. Jon Prain)
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town
Not a sign of Baby Jesus was anywhere to be found.
The people were all busy with Christmas time chores -
Like decorating, and baking, and shopping in stores.
No one sang "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed".
Instead, they sang of Santa dressed-up in bright red.
Mama watched Martha Stewart
Papa drank beer from a tap.
As hour upon hour the presents they'd wrap.
Then what from the T.V. did they suddenly hear?
'Cept an ad - which told of a big sale down at Sears.
So away to the mall they all flew like a flash -
Buying some things on credit and others with cash!
And, as they made their way home from their trip to the mall,
Did they think about Jesus? Oh, no - not at all.
Their lives were so busy with their Christmas time things
They had no time to remember Christ Jesus, the King.
There were presents to wrap and cookies to bake.
How could they stop and remember the One who died for their sake?
To pray to the Savior - they had no time to stop.
Because they needed more time to "Shop til they dropped!"
On Wal-mart! On K-mart! On Target! On Penney's!
On Hallmark! On Zales! A quick lunch at Denny's!
From the big stores downtown to the stores at the mall
They would dash away, dash away, and visit them all!
And up on the roof, there arose such a clatter -
As grandpa hung icicle lights - using his brand new step ladder.
He hung lights that would flash. He hung lights that would twirl.
Yet, he never once prayed to Jesus - the Light of the World.
Christ's eyes - how they twinkle!
Christ's Spirit - how merry!
Christ's love - how enormous!
All of our burdens - He'll carry!
So instead of being busy, overworked, and uptight -
Let's put Christ back in Christmas - and enjoy some good nights!

Not Exactly What They Had Expected
Luke 2:11-12 (NKJV) "For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger."

This Christmas, most of us will be giving and receiving many presents. Some may be just what we were hoping for, but some children and adults will undoubtedly be disappointed. Some will be surprised. Some surprises will be happy ones; people will receive that "perfect gift," even more meaningful than they had hoped. God Himself used unexpected people, places and events in the Nativity. God turned things upside down when He sent His Son into the world as our Savior.
The Jewish people were expecting a powerful political conqueror. God sent them a helpless Baby.
They likely expected the announcements of His entry in the world, to go first to "important" people, "VIP's." But God's angels announced Christ's birth to shepherds, who were on the lower rungs of society.
They expected a Messiah who would give THEM gifts -- prosperity, victories over their military enemies. Instead, God sent a Messiah who expects us to give Him our hearts, our very lives.
They didn't realize the Messiah would not favor many of the ones the world looks to as heros; in fact, He would bless the humble and the poor.
They expected worldly peace; God sent them a Prince of Peace, but the guaranteed peace was spiritual.
Jesus was not the Messiah / King / Savior they had hoped for. But He was more than they could have hoped for. His gifts last for eternity. No returns. No disappointments from Him. He will never let us down. Do you know Him as your Savior? Have you received salvation from Him, that best gift we will ever receive? If not, there's no better time then today. Simply acknowledge your sinfulness before Him and believe in your heart that He came to this earth to live a sinless life and pay the penalty on the cross for your sin. He was born that we might live - forever in eternity with Him.
Oh, and by the way, while Jesus' first coming was as a babe in the manger, Jesus is coming back a second time. And that will be in Righteous Power - as the Lion of the Tribe of Judah - and He WILL bring that peace to the earth where the lion shall lay down with the lamb - and all nations and peoples will bow before Him.
May you have a blessed Christmas season, remembering all that God has done. Don't let all the commotion and clanging of all the busyness of the season keep you from standing in AWE of the Savior who was born in a lowly manger for YOU.
God's plan of salvation is nothing less then wondrous. And simple. Won't you receive His gift to you today? And share this Good News with others.



A season (a life) of giving by John Fischer
The holidays are here and gift giving once again moves to center stage. It’s easy to become cynical about this because of the over-commercialization of Christmas, but, as always, there is truth hidden in the bright lights, the colorful boxes, and the rush of shoppers bringing home their treasures.
Where did all this gift giving come from anyway if it didn’t come from God? No, God and Macy’s are not in cahoots; it’s just that God started it all. God in heaven gave us the most perfect gift for all seasons, his only Son, who brought light to the world and forgiveness of sins through his death on the cross and resurrection from the grave. But it doesn’t stop there. His is a gift that keeps on giving. It keeps on giving because his life is born in all who believe, and his presence in the world is perpetuated by the spiritual gifts he gives all believers by which we reach out to those around us.
Think about it: A big, beautifully wrapped box arrives for each one of us from God himself – a personal gift with our name on it. Inside is a special gifting through which we can touch the people around us by way of the words we say and the things we do. It’s called our “spiritual gift” but it’s really a kind of gifting that enables us to do something for someone else. This puts a whole new slant on gifts, whatever the season.
I can remember Christmases growing up where I would arrange all my gifts neatly into a pile on my bed after all the presents were opened. It was always a smaller pile than I anticipated, but it was mine nonetheless. Christmas, in spite of the joy and excitement, was always a little bit of a disappointment because the gifts ran out. There was always the last gift – nothing more to open. My gifts stopped with what I could play with (until it broke) or what I could wear.
But God gives gifts that help us become givers as well. That’s a big difference. His gifts to us enable us to turn around and enrich others. Gifts like mercy, faith, encouragement, wisdom, knowledge, healing, and discernment flow out of the brightly colored packages we unwrap every day from our Father. These are not gifts we pile up on our bed and look at. These are gifts that perpetuate the life of Christ in us. And they keep on giving for the rest of our lives, or as long as we use them.
This season, if you are able, give a gift that will warm a heart, but don’t forget the gifts we have from our Father that keep on giving all year long, and be just as intentional about receiving and giving those as well. What do you have, and who can you give it to?


AFFLUENZA (Flu)
IT'S FLU SEASON again, only there’s a not-so-new strain that is out there that is more vicious than any germ...
Its Latin name is affluenza-gottabuyitis. The symptoms affect us all unless we are inoculated with the contentment serum that comes only from having something in our lives that is more valuable that all the things that money can buy. You might have affluenza if you get frustrated by all the stuff you have filling your life and yet you make frequent trips to those who sell more. You might have affluenza if you are too ill or frail to come and sit in a comfortable place of worship, but manage to negotiate the aisles at Wal-Mart. You might have affluenza if you are actually interested in some of the junk mail that you get, especially the weekly sales ads. You might have affluenza if you would lose at Bible quizzes, but know all the answers on The Price Is Right.
And finally, you might have affluenza if you actually know how many shopping days are left until Christmas. If you’ve got affluenza and want to get over it, here is the cure:
1) Take a dose of reality. Recognize that “I need” and “I want” are not the same. Realize how many people in the world live without the latest (you name it) and get along just fine.
2) Get a shot of compassion. Consider the last time you bought to please yourself and how your purchase brought joy for such a short time. Now think of how a gift to someone who is truly in need will bring you joy that lasts.
3) Don’t make any purchase without prayer. That includes giving God thanks for your daily bread and for the bounty that allows us to have many more things that make usc omfortable and that give us a pleasant way of life. While you pray, seek God’s will instead of just seeking to satisfy your own cravings (cf. James 4:13-5:7).
4) Get a booster shot of contentment. God is so good and He has blessed us in so many ways with so many things. Let us never take our eyes off the truly valuable things of God which are everlasting and replace greedy affluence with gracious thanks. (Roger Wright)
Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content” (I Timothy 6:6-8). Bible reading for 11.22.06: Romans 11 - 13

In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an
expression commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column.
1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____.

2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited by the ghost
of _____ _____.

3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____.

4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? _____, _____, _____

5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____

6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing
on _____ _____.

7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____.

8. When you cross a sheep with a cicada, you get a _____ _____.

9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____.

10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____.

11. People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called _____ _____.

12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____.

13. Actor O'Connor and actress Channing are known on December 25 as
_____.
14. What do Spanish sheep says when they wish each other a Merry Christmas? __ _____.

Meretricious to all! And don't forget that There's No Plate Like Chrome for the Hollandaise.

***********************************************************************

Answers
1. Christmas Eve
2. Christmas Present
3. North Poll
4. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
5. Noel, Noel (no l, no l)
6. seasons' greetings.
7. St. Nickleless.
8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug!
9. silent knight
10. sandy claws
11. Christmas cards
12. cresh
13. Christmas Carols
14. Fleece Navidad!

ICE campaign "In Case of Emergency"
Many carry cell phones with names & numbers stored in its memory, but nobody, other than ourselves, knows which of these numbers belong to our closest family or friends. If we were to be involved in an accident or were taken ill, the people attending us would have our phone but wouldn't know who to call. This is "ICE" (In Case of Emergency) Campaign. All you need to do is store the number of a contact person or persons who should be contacted during emergency under the name "ICE" (In Case Of Emergency).

Did You Know...
• The 25% of the population in China with the highest IQ’s is greater than the population of North America.
• In India, it’s the top 28%.
Translation: They have more honors kids than we have kids.
• China will soon become the number one English-speaking country in the world.
• If you took every single job in the US today and shipped it to China, it still would have a labor surplus.
• During the next 5 minutes, 60 babies will be born in the US.
• 244 babies will be born in China.
• 357 babies will be born in India.
• The US Dept. Of Labor estimates that today’s learner will have 10 to 14 jobs by the age of 38.
• The US Dept. Of Labor estimates 1 out of every 4 workers today is for a company for whom they have been employed for less than 5 years.
• More than 1 out of 2 are working for a company for whom they have worked less than 5 years.
• The education Secretary predicts the top 10 jobs that will be in demand in 2010 did not exist in 2004.
• We are currently preparing students for jobs that don’t exist yet, using technologies that haven’t yet been invented, in order to solve problems we don’t know even know are problems yet.
• Name this country...richest in the world, largest military, center of world business and finance, strongest education system, world center of innovation and invention, currency the world standard of value, highest standard of living.....England...in 1900.
• The US is 20th in the world in Internet usage (Luxemburg just passed us)
• Ninetendo invested $140 million in research and development in 2002 alone.
• The US Federal Government spent less than half as much on research and innovation in education.
• 1 out of every 8 couples married in the US last year met online.
• We are living in exponential times. There are over 2.7 billion searches on Google each month.
• There are about 540,00 words in the English language, about 5 times as many as during Shakespeare time.
• More than 3,000 new books are published daily.
• It is estimated that a week’s worth of NY Times contains more information than a person was likely to come across in a lifetime in the 18th Century.
• The amount of new technological information is doubling every 2 years.
• For a student starting a 4 year technology or college degree, this means that half of what they learn in their first year of study will be outdated by their third tear of study.
• It is predicted to double every 72 hours by 2010 by 2023, when first graders will be 23 years old and beginning their first career.

Dec 2

We've Done Everything Else
"We have learned to soar through the air like birds, to swim through the seas like fish, to soar through space like comets. Now it is high time we learned to walk the earth as the children of our God." William Sloan Coffin

DID YOU KNOW?
Less than 50 percent of American adults understand that Earth orbits the Sun yearly, according to a basic science survey

My next house will have no kitchen---just vending machines and a large trash can.

My wife tells me she wants plastic surgery. so I agreed!! She got plastic surgery.
I cut up her credit cards."

CAN YOU TELL ME WHY?
The movies say, "I'll entertain you, but you must buy a ticket first."
The restaurant asks, "Eat here but you have to pay the bill."
The insurance offers to insure you, "But the premiums must be paid."
The ball club says, "You'll see a good game, but you must have the price of admission."
The golf course says, "Play here but first pay the green fees."
The ranger says, "The fish are biting, but you have to buy a license."
Then the Lord says, "In My church you will find spiritual food, fellowship, assurance of eternal life, consolation in time of trouble, spiritual blessings beyond measure and opportunities to do good to others and there is no specific charge. Pay as you are willing."
And everybody tries to get by as cheaply as possible!

Global-Warming Alarmism Is a Scam
John Coleman, founder of the Weather Channel and a television meteorologist for more than 54 years, has called global-warming alarmism "the greatest scam in history."
Coleman notes on his blog — after studying scientific papers, interviewing numerous scientists and carefully studying the issue — "Scientists with environmental and political motives manipulated long-term scientific data to create an illusion of rapid global warming."

John Sutherland Bonnell, a great preacher of another generation, once suggested five questions which are useful in evaluating Christian effectiveness and commitment. Look closely at them to judge your strengths and weaknesses as a disciple of Jesus Christ:
1) Does my life day by day witness to the power of the Risen Christ?
2) Does my faith in Christ affect the quality of my daily living, so that there adheres to it a nobility and moral strength?
3) Is there anything in my life that reminds men and women of the Master to whom I have pledged my allegiance?
4) Is there any discernible difference at all in my life as contrasted with the lives of those who never acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Savior (see Matthew 5:46-48)?
5) Do I manifest in the midst of this fevered generation a serenity of spirit which reveals that the peace of God is dwelling in my heart?

Changes in Leisure-Time Activities
A recent study by The Harris Poll reveals that Americans' leisure-time activities have remained the same, yet percentages have changed.
Topping the list of favorite activities — in the three years since the poll last asked Americans — were reading, TV watching and spending time with friends and family. While these are the same top three as in 2004, what has changed is the percentage of people who cite these as their favorites. In all three cases, the numbers have dropped: over one-third (35%) cited reading in 2004, this year that is down to 29 percent; TV watching has dropped from 21 percent to 18 percent, and spending time with friends and family has dropped from 20 percent to 14 percent.
The telephone poll of 1,053 U.S. adults also showed that computer activities (rising from seven percent to nine percent) and going to the movies (which has dropped from 10 percent to seven percent) round out the top five leisure-time activities.
In addition to computer activities, the largest increases in popularity in 12 years were watching sporting events (up four points), exercise (up three points) and crafts (up three points).
The biggest declines the poll revealed were TV watching (down seven points), sewing/crocheting (down five points), entertaining (down four points) and swimming (down four points).

Casinos Land in Biloxi Residents of Biloxi, Miss., are still working to rebuild after Hurricane Katrina. Casinos, it turns out, are way ahead of them. Eleven of the city's 13 casinos have reopened since the storm — having bought ravaged land at bargain prices before other businesses had a chance. And eight more gambling houses are expected to sprout along Mississippi's coastline in the next six years. Casinos that had been kept on the water before Katrina are now allowed to rebuild inland.

Young Children and Alcohol According to new research, seven percent of 4th graders have had an alcoholic drink in the past year. Rates of alcohol consumption continue to rise thereafter, with the biggest jump taking place between 5th and 6th grade — a time when many children begin middle school. "There is a fairly sizeable amount of literature showing that the earlier people start to drink, or even have their first drink, the more likely they are to have problems later in life with alcohol, drugs, delinquency, risky sexual behavior [and] motor vehicle accidents," said John Donovan, associate professor at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center and author of the study published in the Sept. issue of Prevention Science.

YOU CAN BEGIN AGAIN!
Important information for those who have not been to church in a while:
1) Christ loves you and desires your worship and praise.
2) Fellowship with other believers is commanded in the Scripture (Hebrews 10:24-25).
3) You are wanted at Church. Nobody is mad at you for not attending lately. We want fellowship with you.
4) There are no reserved seats at Church. You cannot get in the wrong pew. Admission is free.
5) Do not buy a new suit or dress. Everyone will be excited to see you and will not notice what you are wearing.
6) Bring the kids (no matter how young or old they are). Do not just send them.
7) Bring friends or neighbors who are not attending Church. They'll feel good that you cared enough to ask.
8) Plan to come to Sunday School and the Worship Service. You will be blessed by both!

THE PREACHER'S PRAYER ON SUNDAY MORNING
Dear God,
Forgive me if I complain; forgive me if I wish ill on anyone; but just for this day, I'd like to see all of the fishermen come home empty-handed. I'd like to have all the golfers be 'duffers' just for today. I'd like to have all late sleepers be awakened from pleasant dreams by a vision of an oven hot with no escape. I'd like to have all parents who let their children think today was only a day for children at Sunday School see their children twenty or thirty years from now. I'd like to have all those who stayed home to work on house or yard, as I could have done, find that the mower won't mow, the sewer won't sew, the cleaner won't clean and the wife is a little mean.
Having wished all this, dear Father above, and knowing full well it shows lack of love, I ask for Thy help in speaking Thy Word. For somehow, some way, Thy Voice will be heard by those who come and those who at home stay. Use me, dear Lord, in what way Thou will, for it is Thy will and not mine that will be done. Amen.


FEED ON CHRIST Feed on Christ, and then go and live your life, and it is Christ in you that lives your life, that helps the poor, that tells the truth, that fights the battle, and that wins the crown. --Philips Brooks

OUR CHURCH If our church grows, it is because our attendance is regular and we invite and bring friends and prospects regularly.
If ours is an active church, it is because we are committed to her ministries and give our time and influence to them.
If ours is a scriptural church, it is because we insist on nothing short of biblical preaching and teaching.
If ours is a friendly church, it is because we are friendly, taking the initiative to meet and greet new and old alike each week.
If ours is a redemptive church, it is because we are interested in bringing others into touch with the redeeming love of Christ.
If ours is an educated church, it is because we attend Sunday School and other educational opportunities and desire to learn more about the Bible.
If ours is a giving church, it is because we give not just offerings, but also of our God-given abilities, time and energy. --Author and Source unknown

Wise Sayings
- Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
- There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.
- People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
- Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
- If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
- In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
- The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone.
- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.
- Remember, amateurs built the ark - professionals built the Titanic.
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

FOOTBALL THEOLOGY A few definitions:
Draft Choice: the decision to sit on a pew close to the air-conditioning vent -- or away from it.
End Zone: The preferred place on the pew.
Pass Interference: What Mommy does with her eyes when she sees Bobby writing a note to a friend in church.
In the Pocket: Where too many Christians keep their offerings.
Two-Minute Warning: Deacon on the front row, taking a peek at his watch in full view of the pastor.
Fumble: The preacher's poorly-told warm-up joke.
Referee: Nursery worker presiding over a difference of opinion as to who was playing with the doll first.
Cheerleader: Youth choir girls complimenting the boys on their singing.
Huddle: Men gathering on the porch at 9:25 A.M., wondering who is going in the sanctuary first.
Instant Replay: The job of the Tape Ministry.
Capacity Crowd: Your pastor's dream.
New Season: Every Sunday

My father always loved fast cars. Taking advantage of the empty roads one morning, he accelerated down a wide-open stretch.
Unfortunately, a young police officer was waiting at the other end, and Dad was flagged down. He greeted the officer with a cheery "Good morning."
"And a good morning to you, Wing Commander," replied the officer... "Having trouble taking off??"

Nov 25

He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey.

"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there." -- Charles Kettering

Everyone has problems, some are just better at hiding them.

There's something about believing God that'll cause God to pass over a million people just to get to you.-- Smith Wigglesworth

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening. - Dorothy Sarnoff
"Cardiovascular problems alone in America create over a thousand funerals a day… and 90% of the problem is neglect." -- Jim Rohn

"Don’t let the learning from your own experiences take too long.

We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery. --H.G. Wells

The news and truth are not the same thing. --Walter Lippmann

Do not grease a cookie sheet with WD-40.

- God is not asking you to make a promise that you cannot keep--He is asking you to receive a promise that only He can keep. -James Ryle

- Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. - Ray A. Kroc

“A lot of people are willing to give God credit, but so few ever give him cash.”

"Bishop McCabe, who was trying to raise a million dollars for missions, received in his mail one day many discouraging letters, except one from a little boy. When the bishop opened it, out tumbled a badly battered nickel. In the letter the boy had written: 'I'm so glad you are going to get a million dollars for missions. I'm going to help you get it, too. Here's a nickel toward it! It's all I've got now, but when you want any more, call on me!'"

Pressures Are Reasons, Not Justifications By Michael Josephson of Character Counts
We've located the source of moral deterioration in this country: Pressure. It's all around us, and it's wreaking havoc on society.
According to a survey of American workers, more than half said they did something unethical or illegal in the previous year because of pressure. In Florida, sheriff's employees who falsified crime statistics were under pressure. So were the Texas school administrators who lied about their dropout rates, the baseball players who took steroids, and all the youngsters who cheat on exams. Can you imagine the pressure all the cheating executives were under?
Pressure. Apparently it's overpowering, irresistible. We can't expect mere mortals to stand up to it. The only way to restore our moral ozone is to remove pressure so there's no reason to lie or cheat.
There's something appealing about shifting responsibility for every form of human weakness from the individual to the system. Don't blame the liar; blame the law. Don't blame the cheater; blame the test.
Please! Pressures are no more than temptations in disguise. The difference is, while we expect people to overcome temptation, we expect them to succumb to pressure.
Lots of people will lie, cheat, or steal in the face of pressure. But that's a reason, an explanation--not a justification. Pressures, temptations--call them what you will--are part of life. Sure, it would be helpful if we had less pressure, but it's far more important that we have more character.
We need to believe in the power of virtue and to expect moral courage, not to surrender when moral principles are challenged. We need to encourage and expect good people to do what's right, even when it's difficult or costly.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

TV TAGLINES
- A fool and his money are the prime-time television target audience.
- An idle mind is television's playground!
- But Daddy, you watched the news on television YESTERDAY.
- Television is a medium - so called because it is neither rare nor well-done
- There's just not enough sax and violins on television!
- Were there "radio dinners" before television?
- You aren't a kid any more when you can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
- Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. -- Ann Landers


Ways to Survive the Holidays: The following are some helpful hints to help you survive the busiest time of the year:
* Remember what all the fuss is about. This is the time to give thanks for all that God has done and to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Let's keep that in focus. It's not about cooking the perfect dinner, throwing the perfect party or buying the perfect gift.
* Don't overdo it. Plan your activities and then stick to the plan. Don't allow yourself to get caught up in all the hustle and bustle unless you enjoy it and it charges your batteries.
* Plan time to rest and reflect. Take some time with a journal to write about your feelings and thoughts. Read a good book. Be alone with God.
* Remember and honor those that you miss. One of the toughest things about these special times is being reminded of who isn't with us. Loss is always painful, but it can be worse when we try to ignore it and don't acknowledge it. Instead, take some time to remember those who will be missing. Spend some time looking through the picture album and reminiscing about them. Then remember that they are with you in spirit and that they would want you to be happy and blessed.
* Build your own traditions. The things we learn from our families are wonderful, but remember to build your own traditions. Make them your own and enjoy them. Don't feel like you have to do it a particular way because grandma did it that way. Remember the story about the lady that always cut the end off her pot roast because her mother did it that way? It turns out that her mother's pan was too small and she had to cut off the end.
* The greatest gift is time spent with our loved ones. Make sure you get plenty of time with family and worry less about all the extra stuff. After all, it's just stuff. Love is the real thing.

Little Joey had just been put to bed for the umpteenth time and his mother's patience was starting to wear very thin.
"If I hear you call 'Mother' one more time, you will be punished, young man," she warned him sternly. For a while it was nice and quiet, and then.... she heard a small voice call meekly from the top of the stairs, "Mrs. Jones? Can I have a drink of water?".

Maury's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Maury would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, finally said, "What's the matter, Maury? Don't you like my singing?"
Maury replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."

Welsh-American architect Frank Lloyd Wright's vanity was legendary. At the age of 89, he agreed on the witness stand in court that he was the world's greatest living architect, and when his wife demurred, suggesting that he should be more modest, he rejoined, "You forget, Olgivanna, I was under oath."

Abraham Lincoln was hired to sue someone over a $2.50 debt. He didn't want to do it, but his client insisted. So Abe asked for a fee of $10, upfront. He then gave half to the defendant, who promptly paid his debt, and everyone went home happy.

George Santayana's father always traveled third class. When Santayana asked why, his father said: "Because there is no fourth class."

Clare Boothe Luce was once our ambassador to Italy. While she was living in a beautiful 17th-century Italian villa, she began to notice that she was always tired. She lost weight, and seemed to have less and less energy.
She sought medical care, and after a period of intense testing it was discovered that she was suffering from arsenic poisoning.
Everyone on her staff was given a security check, but it was soon established that none of her staff was trying to poison her. Which left the question: Where was the poisoning coming from?
Finally, they found the cause: It was the ceiling of the bedroom. There were beautiful designs of roses, ornately done in plaster relief, and they were painted with an old paint that contained arsenic lead. A fine dust fell from the roses, and Mrs. Luce was slowly being poisoned in her bed by the dust from the ornate roses.
“Similarly,” writes Bill Phillippe in A Stewardship Scrapbook, “we are in danger of being poisoned by the ornate culture and society in which we live. Our attitudes, concepts, values, can be eroded or poisoned by the materialistic values of those around us without our ever becoming aware of it until it is too late.”

Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone once featured a story about an inveterate gambler who dies and is taken to a room where there is a gambling table and a dealer. Every time he rolls the dice, he scores or wins. Every hand he holds is a winning hand. His living arrangements are plush and supplied with everything he could possibly want.
At first, the man believes he is in heaven. He was so happy. But then, he becomes aware that he is totally alone. The fun of sharing his winnings with someone else is missing. He finally concludes that he is not in paradise as he had at first thought. He is in hell.

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'"

Nov 18

"God answers knee-mail."

We do not always know the reasons for what God does and doesn't do, but in the end we'll see that He was always right. --Janette Oke

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

God is not asking you to make a promise that you cannot keep--He is asking you to receive a promise that only He can keep. --James Ryle

“The best chance of our own powerful nation meeting the great responsibilities of which history has given us too brief a preparation, lies in abjuring every temptation to regard our power and our favored position among the nations as proof of our superior virtue; and in listening patiently to the mounting criticism of our life (even though envy may partly prompt it) in the hope that it may make us wiser in the exercise of our power and more prudent in the discharge of our responsibility.” --Reinhold Niebuhr, The Nature and Destiny of Man

We do not always know the reasons for what God does and doesn't do, but in the end we'll see that He was always right. --Janette Oke

Wouldn't you rather live your life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live your life as if there isn't, and die then find out there is?

How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell. There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man.” – Johnny Cash

It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son. As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew.
Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." It worked.
But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ...
don't talk with your mouth full."
Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter."

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

What would you get if you put your iPod in the refrigerator? Very cool music.

Why don't bananas ever get lonely? Because they go around in bunches.

Why do people work as bakers? Because they knead the dough.

What did the little boy say to the lollipop? I can lick you any day

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin? There was some money in the kitty!

What did the bridegroom do when his wife baked him a marble cake. He took it for granite.

"God loves to decorate. God HAS to decorate. Let Him live long enough in a heart, and that heart will begin to change. Portraits of hurt will be replaced by landscapes of grace. Walls of anger will be demolished and shaky foundations restored. God can no more leave a life unchanged than a mother can leave her child's tear untouched. It's not enough for Him to own you; He wants to change you." - Max Lucado

- Sounds travels slowly… Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don’t reach them till they're in their 40's.

- Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"

The big five needs people expressed in a recent survey:
1. Challenge me to grow and take next steps
2. Help me understand the Bible in greater depth
3. Help me develop a personal relationship with Jesus
4. Help me apply the Bible to my life
5. Provide compelling worship services

Let me tell you about my doctor. He is very good. If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and come in again.
While he was talking to me one day his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Another time a man came running in the office and yelled, Doctor, doctor my son just swallowed a roll of film.” The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops.”
One patient came in and said, “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.” The doctor asked, “When did it start?” The man replied, “When did what start?”
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice “Don’t answer it.”
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases. One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.” The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these. If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
Another guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said, “Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to stop going to those places.

"Living a Christless life is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." - Marc Wolfe

A grandmother overheard 5-year-old Christy "playing wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
It's good to be saved and know it! It's also good to be saved and show it!

Nogales and Oasis offer a distant outreach but what puts adventure into the Christian’s life is serving up close and personal.

• Christian Web Sites Flourish
GodTube.com, a site that closely resembles YouTube, was identified earlier this year by comScore as the fastest growing site on the Web, with over 150,000 registered users with active profiles. GodTube, says onenewsnow.com, is one of the many religion-based Web sites that closely copy popular secular models. MyChurch.org is similar to the social networking site MySpace, and Conservapeda.com is the religious right's response to the online encyclopedia Wikipedia.

There are three kinds of people: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who don't know that anything is happening!

"Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer." -- Ted Williams

"Our little time of suffering is not worthy of our first night's welcome home to Heaven." -- Samuel Rutherford

"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." -- Charles Dickens

"A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." -- John Shedd

"Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation." -- Unknown