October 15

The minister of a well-attended, strong, and enthusiastic church often showed himself ready and able to deal with any situation that might come up. One Sunday, just as he was reaching the climax of his message, his own young grandson entered the church, ran to the center aisle, started making loud beeps and vrrrmms like a car without a muffler, then zoomed right toward him. The minister stopped his message, pointed severely at his grandson, and commanded, "Jack, park the car immediately beside your mother on that chair (pointing), turn off the ignition, and hand her the keys." The message continued undisturbed ... after a good laugh by the congregation.


How big is the internet? An interesting tidbit in an column on the difficulty of tracing terrorists' online activity: The National Security Agency, one of 16 intelligence agencies under DNI John Negroponte, estimates by next year, the Internet will carry 647 petabytes of data each day. "That's 647 followed by 15 zeros," says Negroponte, "and by way of comparison, the holdings of the entire Library of Congress (130 million items, including 30 million books that occupy 530 miles of book shelves) represent only 0.02 petabytes."


An American couple visiting a German village stepped into a small shop to look for souvenirs. The woman sneezed. "Gezundheit!" said the clerk "Charles," said the American woman to her husband, "we're in luck. There's somebody here who speaks English."


The Purpose of Coffee Hour Coffee was always served at our church after the sermon. One Sunday our minister asked one of the smaller members of the congregation if he knew why we had coffee hour. Without hesitating, the youngster replied, "To wake people up before they have to drive home."


On a global scale the average US citizen uses far more than his or her fair share of the planet's resources - consuming more than four times the worldwide average of energy, almost three times as much water and producing more than twice the average amount of rubbish and five times the amount of carbon dioxide. The US - with five per cent of the world's population - uses 23 per cent of its energy, 15 per cent of its meat and 28 per cent of its paper. It was in 1915 that the US population reached 100 million. Fifty-two years later, in 1967, it reached 200 million. It has taken just 39 more years for the milestone of 300 million to be achieved.
37% Percentage of the total cars in the world on America's roads
1 in 7 Barrels of world oil supply used by US drivers
58bn Number of burgers consumed by Americans every year
54m Number of Americans who are obese
300,000 Deaths per year related to obesity

"I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure--try to please everybody." -- Herbert Bayard Swope

You are here to make a difference by serving God and others. Whenever you serve others, in any way, you are actually serving God and fulfilling one of his purposes for creating you. We weren't placed on earth just to breathe, eat, take up space and have fun. God fashioned each of us to make a unique contribution with our lives. Rick Warren

All-in-one online Bible http://ntgateway.com/multibib/bible.htm - On this site, you can search the Bible through a variety of online Bible programs and translations - all on one page.



Crazy Fads http://www.crazyfads.com/ - So much has come and gone in popular culture over the past 80 years. On this site, you can find a list of all the great fads since 1920.

"The question isn't whether God will provide for us, but in what form his provision will come." - Steve Sjogren, Changing the World Through Kindness

"... Sometimes, faith helps ordinary men and women do the humanly impossible: to forgive, to love, to heal, and to redeem. It makes no sense. It is the most sensible thing in the world. The Amish have turned this occasion of spectacular evil into a bright witness to hope. Despite everything, a light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it."
- Rod Dreher, Dallas Morning News, writing about last week's Amish school shooting

Fifty-two percent of polled Americans admitted that they "re-gift" presents or say they will do so in the future. Four percent of those polled say they do this because they don't like the person they are giving the gift to. - Source: TIME magazine (Oct. 16, 2006)

"We think if we can disperse adequate information, people will be convinced that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, and turn to him. Those methods don't work any longer. I'm not sure they ever did. People aren't looking for information about God. They want to experience God, himself. Information leaves them bored, uninterested. Experience, especially the ultimate experience any human being can ever have, leaves them breathless.
And that's exactly what we have to offer." - Mark Tabb, Mission to Oz


If a dog was computer literate, would his bark be worse than his byte?


New Dog Breeds
- Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso - a dog that folds up for easy transport.
- Bloodhound + Borzoi = Bloody Bore - a dog that's not much fun.
- Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter - a traditional Christmas pet.
- Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso - an abstract dog.
- Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer - a dog fresh and clean as a whistle.
- Newfoundland Lab + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound - a dog for financial advisors.
- Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull - a dog that makes awful mistakes.
- Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador - a dog that barks incessantly.
- Collie + Malamute = Commute - a dog that travels to work.
- Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere - a dog that's true to the end.


A conceited new rookie was pitching his first game. He walked the first five men he faced and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he yelled, "Darn it, the jerk took me out when I had a no-hitter going."

Morris goes to his rabbi for some needed advice.
"Rabbi, tell me if it is proper for one man to profit from another man's mistakes."
"No, Morris, a man should not profit from another man's mistakes," answered the rabbi.
"Are you sure, Rabbi?"
"Of course, I'm sure. In fact, I'm positive," exclaimed the Rabbi.
"Ok, Rabbi, if you are so sure..... how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife!"

"Nutritious Eating"
According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors. Fill your plates with bright colors. Greens, reds, yellows. In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M's. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy. I now have a whole new outlook on life.

"Dieter's Prayer"
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to do push-ups and other exercises.
He giveth me low carb whole wheat bread. He restoreth my waistline!
He leadeth me past the refrigerator, for mine own sake!
He maketh me to partake of the green beans (instead of potatoes). He
leadeth me past the Cokes and milkshakes.
Yea though I walk through the bakery I shall not falter for thou art with me.
Thy Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi, they comfort me. Thou preparest a diet for me, in the presence of mine enemies. Thou annointest my lettuce with low cholesterol oil; my cup will not run over! Surely Ry-Krisp and Sugar-free Jell-O shall follow me all the days of my
life and I will live with hunger pains forever!! Amen!!

"I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. Why?" a husband asked his wife.
"When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears," she said. The man smiled. "You see how good I am for you?" he asked. "Yes," she said. "I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be that is worse than this one?'"