September 10
A rabbi said to a precocious Little Johnny, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night, very commendable. What does she say?"
Little Johnny replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
A proposed new set of Ten Commandments based on observations of our culture:
"1. Have a good day. 2. Shop. 3. Eliminate pain.
4. Be up-to-date. 5. Relax. 6. Express yourself.
7. Have a happy family. 8. Be entertaining. 9. Be entertained.
10. Buy entertainment. OH--He forgot #11. Get in touch with your feelings.
"Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic." - Jean Sibelius (1865-1957), Finnish composer
SIGNS AND NOTICES Actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin."
Sign at the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"
Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
"If it's big enough to worry about, it's big enough to pray about." - Rick Warren
"Pray, and let God worry." Martin Luther
"When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't." - William Temple
"Personally, I'm less afraid now than I was before Sept. 11, because I have a greater sense of God's sovereignty. He's in control, and he has a plan for the world. Not only that, he has plans for me individually. And he loves me more than any human being ever could love me. So what's really to fear?" - 9/11 widow Lisa Beamer, in Sept./Oct. 2002 Christianity Today
One out of eight people living in the United States today was born in a different country - that is about 37.5 million people out of our country's almost 300 million population.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the Roads weren't paved.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Fun web site when the screen loads use your mouse to create a modern art design. click the mouse to change colors. Lots of fun and free. http://www.jacksonpollock.org/
Fickle Feelings When it comes to prayer, feeling is not the most important thing. Feelings re fickle, easily influenced by heath, morale, weather and mood. Prayer is too important to be put at the mercy of our feelings. "What if I don't feel like praying?" Plenty of God's
people have felt the same way. Don't worry about it. Pray anyway. The purpose of prayer is to maintain our relationship with God, not merely to express our feelings.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." (YOU BETTER KNOW THE ANSWER)
You become the person you will always be by the choices you make. You can sell out your character, but it's the one thing you can't buy. - Michael Josephson
In line at the bookstore, I couldn't help noticing the two bestsellers the person in front of me was prepared to purchase: Conversations With God" and "How to Argue and Win Everytime."
A GOD WHO CAN SHAKE THE WORLD During an earthquake, an elderly lady was peaceful and unafraid. Someone asked her afterward, "Weren't you afraid?" "NO," she replied. "I rejoiced to know that I have a God who can shake the world!"
The greatest use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.
After giving the hired man a dressing down for being late in returning with supplies, the farmer demanded, "Okay, now let's hear how it happened, Miller."
"Well, I picked up a minister along the road," explained the hired hand, "and from there on the mules couldn't understand a word I said."
REJECTION Rejection can be one of the most painful experiences any of us can have. Ralph Keyes in his book “Is There Life after High School?” writes that Mia Farrow has never forgotten the time every girl but Mia was asked to dance. Nor did Charles Schulz of “Peanuts” cartoon fame ever forgotten that the yearbook staff rejected his every cartoon. Movie actress Ali McGraw confesses she doesn’t forget the fact that she never had one date in all of high school. Henry Kissinger is best remembered by his classmates as the kid
nobody wanted to eat lunch with at school.
Finally! Pong has been updated for 2006. Now there's FOUR paddles... plus an evil twist that makes this game frustratingly tricky. http://h4sh.com/paddlepower
A mother who had just put her little boy to bed was heard to say as she shut the door and tip-toed down the hall. "This is one more day when I worked from son-up to son-down.
A story is told of a family that went into a restaurant. The waitress walked up and, looking at the young boy, said: What will it be? The boy eagerly shouted back: “I'll take a hamburger, French fries, and a chocolate shake.” The mother immediately interrupted: Oh, that's not what he wants. “He'll take the roast beef, a baked potato, and a glass of milk.” Much to the
surprise of both the mother and the boy, the waitress completely ignored her and again asked the boy: “And what do you want on that hamburger?” The boy shouted back, “ketchup, lots of ketchup.” “And what kind of shake?” “Make it chocolate.” The boy then turned to his parents with a big smile on his face and said: “Say, ain't she something. She thinks that I'm real!”
Don't believe everything you think.
An elderly man had serious hearing problems for a number of years. His family tried again and again to convince him to get a hearing aid. Finally he relented. He went to the doctor and was fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100 percent.
A month later he went back to the doctor. The doctor said with a smile, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The old man replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
Little Johnny replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
A proposed new set of Ten Commandments based on observations of our culture:
"1. Have a good day. 2. Shop. 3. Eliminate pain.
4. Be up-to-date. 5. Relax. 6. Express yourself.
7. Have a happy family. 8. Be entertaining. 9. Be entertained.
10. Buy entertainment. OH--He forgot #11. Get in touch with your feelings.
"Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honor of a critic." - Jean Sibelius (1865-1957), Finnish composer
SIGNS AND NOTICES Actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
Sign in a veterinary's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Sign on music teachers' door: "Out Chopin."
Sign at the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
Sign in beauty shop window: "Dye now!"
Sign on a garbage truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
Sign at a computer store: "Out for a quick byte."
Sign on restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come in and get fed up."
Sign in a bowling alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
"If it's big enough to worry about, it's big enough to pray about." - Rick Warren
"Pray, and let God worry." Martin Luther
"When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't." - William Temple
"Personally, I'm less afraid now than I was before Sept. 11, because I have a greater sense of God's sovereignty. He's in control, and he has a plan for the world. Not only that, he has plans for me individually. And he loves me more than any human being ever could love me. So what's really to fear?" - 9/11 widow Lisa Beamer, in Sept./Oct. 2002 Christianity Today
One out of eight people living in the United States today was born in a different country - that is about 37.5 million people out of our country's almost 300 million population.
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the Roads weren't paved.
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Fun web site when the screen loads use your mouse to create a modern art design. click the mouse to change colors. Lots of fun and free. http://www.jacksonpollock.org/
Fickle Feelings When it comes to prayer, feeling is not the most important thing. Feelings re fickle, easily influenced by heath, morale, weather and mood. Prayer is too important to be put at the mercy of our feelings. "What if I don't feel like praying?" Plenty of God's
people have felt the same way. Don't worry about it. Pray anyway. The purpose of prayer is to maintain our relationship with God, not merely to express our feelings.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." (YOU BETTER KNOW THE ANSWER)
You become the person you will always be by the choices you make. You can sell out your character, but it's the one thing you can't buy. - Michael Josephson
In line at the bookstore, I couldn't help noticing the two bestsellers the person in front of me was prepared to purchase: Conversations With God" and "How to Argue and Win Everytime."
A GOD WHO CAN SHAKE THE WORLD During an earthquake, an elderly lady was peaceful and unafraid. Someone asked her afterward, "Weren't you afraid?" "NO," she replied. "I rejoiced to know that I have a God who can shake the world!"
The greatest use of life is to spend it on something that will outlast it.
After giving the hired man a dressing down for being late in returning with supplies, the farmer demanded, "Okay, now let's hear how it happened, Miller."
"Well, I picked up a minister along the road," explained the hired hand, "and from there on the mules couldn't understand a word I said."
REJECTION Rejection can be one of the most painful experiences any of us can have. Ralph Keyes in his book “Is There Life after High School?” writes that Mia Farrow has never forgotten the time every girl but Mia was asked to dance. Nor did Charles Schulz of “Peanuts” cartoon fame ever forgotten that the yearbook staff rejected his every cartoon. Movie actress Ali McGraw confesses she doesn’t forget the fact that she never had one date in all of high school. Henry Kissinger is best remembered by his classmates as the kid
nobody wanted to eat lunch with at school.
Finally! Pong has been updated for 2006. Now there's FOUR paddles... plus an evil twist that makes this game frustratingly tricky. http://h4sh.com/paddlepower
A mother who had just put her little boy to bed was heard to say as she shut the door and tip-toed down the hall. "This is one more day when I worked from son-up to son-down.
A story is told of a family that went into a restaurant. The waitress walked up and, looking at the young boy, said: What will it be? The boy eagerly shouted back: “I'll take a hamburger, French fries, and a chocolate shake.” The mother immediately interrupted: Oh, that's not what he wants. “He'll take the roast beef, a baked potato, and a glass of milk.” Much to the
surprise of both the mother and the boy, the waitress completely ignored her and again asked the boy: “And what do you want on that hamburger?” The boy shouted back, “ketchup, lots of ketchup.” “And what kind of shake?” “Make it chocolate.” The boy then turned to his parents with a big smile on his face and said: “Say, ain't she something. She thinks that I'm real!”
Don't believe everything you think.
An elderly man had serious hearing problems for a number of years. His family tried again and again to convince him to get a hearing aid. Finally he relented. He went to the doctor and was fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100 percent.
A month later he went back to the doctor. The doctor said with a smile, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The old man replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
posted by joypastordon at 10:26 AM
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