March 9, 2008

Today is the Fifth Sunday in Lent---just one week before Palm Sunday and Holy Week begins. We have considered the reality of sin and what it has done to us. We have seen how the Lord sought out His people with the Law and the prophets to call them to Him. Today we see the power with which the Lord comes to our aid. The raising of Lazarus prefigures the resurrection of our Lord and encourages us to believe that God has the power to break the bonds of sin and death and lead us to everlasting life.

ALWAYS GIVE 100% AT WORK: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday,
20% Thursday, 5% Friday.


HOW TO SPELL POTATO
If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO shoud be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answered soberly: "I asked God to teach me to whistle... And He just then did!"

If you want to smile through your tears, if you want to rejoice through times of suffering, just keep reminding yourself that, as a Christian, what you’re going through isn’t the end of the story … it’s simply the rough journey that leads to the right destination. --Charles Swindoll

I never have agreed with the Hollywood system of rating movies. I have a very simple system. Everything is DG: Don’t Go.

If you are a Christian, God needs you. If you are not a Christian, you need God.

Would it be considered mere coincidence if we were to find out that Humpty Dumpty took his great fall on the sunny side of the street?

I have never been hurt by anything I didn’t say.

I find greater personal reward in working with the construction crew rather than the wrecking crew, although there certainly is a place in the Christian life for both.

At the store they tried to sell me a spring mattress and I had to tell them I wanted a mattress for all year round.


If you are one of those people who are stressed, calm down, “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.” So live backwards, fat maybe, but calm (!)

When Jesus makes a difference in you, you will make a difference in the world.

Election Watch. When it comes time to vote, there are three kinds of voters in the country. The informed, the uninformed, and the misinformed.

There should be no question of any kind that God’s answer’s to life’s questions are better than man‘s. If you don’t believe me, just look around you and see where man’s answers have gotten him.

Sometimes I'll go to the symphony even if I don't need the sleep.

My marriage is like a giant game of chess. Sure wish I knew how to play chess.

- I need to find a new job. I've just about had it with the photo lab. All the negativity is getting me down.
- I'm not a very good multi-tasker, unless you count sleeping, dreaming, and snoring all at the same time. If you do, I'm brilliant!

Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, and in a convertible.

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.

He, who loses money, loses much; He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

One night Mike's parents overheard this prayer. "Now I lay me down to rest, and hope to pass tomorrow's test, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take."

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me."


Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drewout a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle:"We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Q Which Bible character had no parents?
A Joshua, son of Nun.

And this particular four-year-old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if You can't make me abetter boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am!"

How to Get Money for the Church!
A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.
"Don't worry," she said. "I'll think of something."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $40,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $1000 or more, please stand up."
Just at that moment, the organist started playing, "The Star Spangled Banner."

We may ask for greater faith so we can heal others, but God, who understands human need far better than we do, gives us greater compassion so that we can weep with others. --Richard J. Foster


❖ We often forget that the ultimate healing for a Christian is resurrection. -- Charles Farr

❖ The electric telegraph, though it be but an invention of man, would have been as hard to believe in a thousand years ago as the resurrection of the dead is now. Who in the days of packhorses would have believed in flashing a message from England to America? Everything is full of wonder till we are used to it, and resurrection owes the incredible portion of its marvel to our never having come across it in our observation--that is all. After the resurrection we shall regard it as a divine display of power as familiar to us as creation and providence now are. -- Charles H. Spurgeon in the Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit (Vol.18).

❖ Winston Churchill chose to believe. Churchill arranged his own funeral. There were stately hymns in St. Paul's Cathedral and an impressive liturgy. But at the end of the service, Churchill had an unusual event planned. When they said the benediction, a bugler high in the dome of St. Paul's Cathedral on one side played Taps, the universal signal that the day is over. There was a long pause. Then a bugler on the other side played Reveille, the military wake-up call. It was Churchill's way of communicating that, while we say "Good night" here, it's "Good morning" up there. Now why could he do that? Because he believed in Jesus Christ, who said "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me though he were dead, yet shall he live." When a man steps out of his own grave, he is anything that he says that he is, and he can do anything that he says he can do. -- Robert Russell, "Resurrection Promises,"

"By perseverance the snail reached the ark." - Charles Spurgeon

He who does not stand for something, will fall for anything.