April 6, 2008
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
The beginning of sin is sweet; its end is bitter. -- Japanese Proverb
People don't like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the love handles. So I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take 30 pounds off me?" until she added, "And put it on my sister?"
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive................... So I took her to a gas station.
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a
trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
There's nothing more optimistic than a dog under the dinner table."
"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
Be ye fishers of men: You catch 'em, He'll clean 'em.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step--blaming my parents.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Americans consume almost 21 million barrels of oil a day, a quarter of the world total of 84 million barrels a day, reports the International Energy Agency. But China is now second at 6.4 million barrels a day, and its demand could double by 2020
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” Corrie Ten Boom
Honey bees tap two million flowers to make one pound of honey.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The only difference between catsup and ketchup is what brand you buy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Approximately 2.19 billion Oscar Mayer Bologna sandwiches are eaten each year. That means over 6 million are eaten every day, and 69 sandwiches are eaten every second.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At an estimated population of 40 million, there are more
than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Elephants are the only animals with four knees.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A cow will have a bowel movement an average of 16 times a day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yankee Stadium opened on April 18, 1923. On that day, in a game against Boston, Babe Ruth hit the first home run.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The world's largest herb is the banana.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Half of the 2.4 million
pounds of peanuts consumed in America yearly are eaten
as peanut butter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song
"Happy Birthday."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In a day, an elephant can drink 80 gallons of water.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bakers and Cooks
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. Most of them make doughnuts unless they get tired of the hole thing. A good baker will usually rise to the occasion; it's the yeast he can do. Like bakers, cooks have mushroom for improvement. But with cheese, they make some grate things.
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
I told my wife she'd have to make my paycheck go further, so.....she took it to Hawaii.
Show me a good loser.... and I'll show you a fellow playing golf with his boss.
My brother is so vain, he joined the Navy so the world could see him!
My husband is so thin, when he wears a red necktie he looks like a thermometer.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The simple act of sitting down around a table is something a lot of people don't find particularly important - but for Christians, the shared supper is a vital aspect of spiritual life.
"The Scriptures speak of three kinds of table fellowship that Jesus keeps with his own: daily fellowship at table, the table fellowship of the Lord's Supper, and the final table fellowship in the kingdom of God. But in all three, the one thing that counts is that 'their eyes were opened, and they knew him.'
"The fellowship of the table teaches Christians that here they still eat the perishable bread of the earthly pilgrimage. But if they share this bread with one another, they shall also one day receive the imperishable bread together in the Father's house."
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
The beginning of sin is sweet; its end is bitter. -- Japanese Proverb
People don't like to look dumpy in their own snapshots, which is why my husband, a professional photographer, gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the love handles. So I wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take 30 pounds off me?" until she added, "And put it on my sister?"
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive................... So I took her to a gas station.
Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a
trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
There's nothing more optimistic than a dog under the dinner table."
"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. -- Albert Einstein
Be ye fishers of men: You catch 'em, He'll clean 'em.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step--blaming my parents.
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.
Americans consume almost 21 million barrels of oil a day, a quarter of the world total of 84 million barrels a day, reports the International Energy Agency. But China is now second at 6.4 million barrels a day, and its demand could double by 2020
“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” Corrie Ten Boom
Honey bees tap two million flowers to make one pound of honey.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The only difference between catsup and ketchup is what brand you buy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Approximately 2.19 billion Oscar Mayer Bologna sandwiches are eaten each year. That means over 6 million are eaten every day, and 69 sandwiches are eaten every second.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
At an estimated population of 40 million, there are more
than twice as many kangaroos as people in Australia.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Elephants are the only animals with four knees.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A cow will have a bowel movement an average of 16 times a day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A hummingbird weighs less than a penny.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yankee Stadium opened on April 18, 1923. On that day, in a game against Boston, Babe Ruth hit the first home run.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The world's largest herb is the banana.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Half of the 2.4 million
pounds of peanuts consumed in America yearly are eaten
as peanut butter.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song
"Happy Birthday."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In a day, an elephant can drink 80 gallons of water.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Bakers and Cooks
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. Most of them make doughnuts unless they get tired of the hole thing. A good baker will usually rise to the occasion; it's the yeast he can do. Like bakers, cooks have mushroom for improvement. But with cheese, they make some grate things.
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
I told my wife she'd have to make my paycheck go further, so.....she took it to Hawaii.
Show me a good loser.... and I'll show you a fellow playing golf with his boss.
My brother is so vain, he joined the Navy so the world could see him!
My husband is so thin, when he wears a red necktie he looks like a thermometer.
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
The simple act of sitting down around a table is something a lot of people don't find particularly important - but for Christians, the shared supper is a vital aspect of spiritual life.
"The Scriptures speak of three kinds of table fellowship that Jesus keeps with his own: daily fellowship at table, the table fellowship of the Lord's Supper, and the final table fellowship in the kingdom of God. But in all three, the one thing that counts is that 'their eyes were opened, and they knew him.'
"The fellowship of the table teaches Christians that here they still eat the perishable bread of the earthly pilgrimage. But if they share this bread with one another, they shall also one day receive the imperishable bread together in the Father's house."
posted by joypastordon at 1:44 PM
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