February 4, 2007

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about football. This goes on and on with both arguing about who would field the best team.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
"But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."
"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed, "we've got all the officials!"

“Look at this mess!” roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. “It’s just as you ordered it, sir,” the waitress replied meekly. "You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it.”

TIME TO GO
A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with "Amen" or "That's right, preacher" he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.
Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with "Amen, Pharaoh!" The guest minister wasn't sure what that meant, but after several more "Amen, Pharaohs" he finally concluded his very lengthy sermon.
After the service concluded and the congregation had left, the visiting minister turned to his host and asked, "What exactly did you mean when you said 'Amen, Pharaoh'?"
His host replied, "I was telling you to let my people go!"

In the midst of a generation screaming for answers, Christians are stuttering. --Howard Hendricks

The most pleasant and useful persons are those who leave some of the problems of the universe for God to worry about.

It's a good thing to have all the props pulled out from under us occasionally. It gives us some sense of what is rock under our feet, and what is sand. --Madeleine L'Engle

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


"It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on." -- Author Unknown

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take" – Wayne Gretzky

"Every generation of Americans [and others] needs to know that freedom exists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought." -- Pope John Paul II

"We can stand affliction better than we can prosperity, for in prosperity we forget God." --Dwight L. Moody

"If it is desirable that our children be kind, responsible, pleasant and honest, then those qualities must be taught--not hoped for." -- James Dobson

"When your only tool is a hammer, you see every problem as a nail." -- A. Maslow

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If Moses, after spending 40 days and nights with the Almighty, had come down from Mount Sinai today bearing two tablets with the Ten Commandments, he would have been hard pressed to find a publisher.

It took John D. Rockefeller 16 years to become a billionaire. Bill Gates did it in 10. Mike Dell in five. And Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page became multibillionaires in their late 20s.
Goldman Sachs' golden touch delivered $16.5 billion in year-end bonuses, up 40 percent in a year, or $623,418 for every employee. But that wasn't the way it was divvied among the 26,467-strong work force. Some star traders made $100 million as their reward for boosting Goldman's stock 61 percent in 2006.
Winston Churchill once said socialism is the equal sharing of miseries whereas capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings.
A worker earns in a year roughly what the CEO on the top floor takes home each day.

Life is made up of sobs, sniffles and smiles, with sniffles predominating. -- O. Henry


Healthy Relationships--Healthy Life
Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them by John Ortberg. I've included this quote from the book: "One of the most thorough research projects on relationships is called the Alameda County Study. Headed by a Harvard social scientist, it tracked the lives of 7,000 people over nine years. Researchers found that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections.
"People who had bad health habits (such as smoking, poor eating habits, obesity, or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated. In other words, it is better to eat Twinkies with good friends than to eat broccoli alone. Harvard researcher Robert Putnam notes that if you belong to no groups
but decide to join one, "you cut your risk of dying over the next year in half."
"For another study, as reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association, 276 volunteers were infected with a virus that produces the common cold. The study found that people with strong emotional connections did four times better fighting off illness than those who were more isolated. These people were less susceptible to colds, had less virus, and
produced significantly less mucous than relationally isolated subjects." Talmadge Hobbs

Olympian Hits Wrong Target Matt Emmons had the gold medal in sight. He was one shot away from claiming victory in the 2004 Olympics 50-metre, three-position rifle event. He didn't even need a bull's-eye to win. His final shot merely needed to be on target.
Normally, the shot he made would have received a score of 8.1, more than enough for a gold medal. But in what was described as "an extremely rare mistake in elite competition," Emmons fired at the wrong target. Standing in lane two, he fired at the target in lane three. His score for a good shot at the wrong target? Zero. Instead of a medal, Emmons ended up in eighth place. It doesn't matter how accurate you are if you are aiming at the wrong goal.
-- Leadership, Winter 2005. Cited in Encounter

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot. Michael Altshuler


Super Sunday
The Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts are headed to Super Bowl XLI this Sunday. Much has been made of the fact that Lovie Smith of the Bears and Tony Dungy of the Colts will become the first African-American head coaches in the 41-year history of the NFL's marquee game. "It means a lot," said Dungy. "I'm very proud to represent African-American coaches."
However, both coaches are also representing Christ. "The Lord set this up in a way that no one would believe it," said Dungy. "The Lord tested us a lot this year, but He set this up to get all the glory."
Dungy and Smith are close friends. Smith was one of Dungy's assistants when the two were with Tampa Bay from 1996-2000.
On Feb. 3, one day before the big game, Dungy will join Campus Crusade for Christ's Athletes in Action for the annual Super Bowl Breakfast, which emphasizes men of faith in football and honors those who have shown exceptional character. He was the keynote speaker at last year's breakfast, where he shared a message about God's love weeks after his 18-year-old son died from a suicide.

Stress in Americans
Four in 10 Americans often feel stressed, according to a December 2006 Gallup phone survey of 1,010 adults. Thirty-three to 42 percent have reported having frequent stress since 1994. These levels have not changed much in recent years, according to CBSNews.com.
One in five Americans reported only rare stress, with only three percent saying they are never stressed. Those reporting frequent stress included:
* 44 percent of 18- to 29-year-olds, and 46 percent of 30- to 49-year-olds.
* 47 percent of parents with children under 18.
* 43 percent of full-time workers and 46 percent of part-time workers — but only 29 percent of unemployed Americans.
* 40 percent of women and 35 percent of men.
* 55 percent of people who say they do not have enough time to do things they want to do.