January 21
"Grace is not static. It is the active energy of God that enables Christians to be all we were called to be when Christ saved us." - Tony Evans, The Victorious Christian Life
"You formed us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in you." - Augustine
"Dear God, 'Maybe Cain and Abel wouldn't kill each [other] so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.' Larry" - Children's Letters to God (Workman, 1991)
Three out of every four teenagers have reportedly experimented with witchcraft or psychic-related activities. The most popular of these activities include: using a Ouija board, reading books about witchcraft or Wicca, playing games involving sorcery or witchcraft, having a "professional" do a palm reading, or having their fortune told. - Source: Barna.org (January 2006)
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."
"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated--it is finished when it surrenders." - Ben Stein
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Don't worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they're always watching you." - Robert Fulghum
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited- until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion"
"Pride is tasteless, colorless and sizeless. Yet it is the hardest thing to swallow." - August B. Black
I've Gotta Have It
I've gotta have it. That's the word from a new survey by the Pew Research Center, which asked 2,000 adults over the age of 18 which consumer products are necessities and which are luxuries. Increasingly, conveniences that were once considered luxuries, such as air conditioners, now check in as things we feel we cannot live without. The biggest gainer in the necessity column since a similar survey in 1996? Microwave ovens. Ten years ago, just 32 percent of respondents classified microwaves as a necessity. This year, the figure has risen to 68 percent. Another example is home computers. In 1996, 26 percent of respondents felt they really needed a computer at home. Now that number has risen to 51 percent.
Several products that were barely blips on the technological radar a decade ago are now deemed indispensable as well. Forty-nine percent of people surveyed say they couldn't function without their cell phones; 33 percent must see their cable or satellite TV; and 29 percent deem high-speed Internet service a necessity.
• Does Money or Marriage Bring Happiness?
A new Gallup poll shows more than nine in 10 Americans describe themselves as "happy" and just four percent are "not too happy." About 64 percent of married people said they are very satisfied with the way their personal life is going, compared with 43 percent of singles. Though 72 percent of those with incomes of $75,000 or higher reported being very satisfied with their personal life, researchers found — combining results of polls from the last three years — that marriage may be more strongly associated with personal happiness than money.
"The difference between Christianity and religion is how they are spelled. Religion is spelled 'do' - do this, do that, do, do, do. Christianity is spelled 'done'. Christianity has already done everything needed. We just need to receive the gift of 'done.'"
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors.
Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which grounds keepers failed to mow.
Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.
Rule 5.
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9(k)
There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny- -pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' short-comings.
Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impracticable for many senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
Please advise all your senior friends of these important rule update
Political Correctness For Kids
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage restrictive."
Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
'Unfortunately, in this job market guys like you have dropped to nine cents a dozen.'
"You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise." Zig Ziglar
Every year it takes less time to fly across the Atlantic, and more time to drive to the office.
The biggest liar in the world is They Say. Douglas Malloch (1877-1938) Poet and writer
"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." -- Napoleon Hill
"The only real limitation on your abilities is the level of your desires. If you want it badly enough, there are no limits on what you can achieve." -- Brian Tracy
"You formed us for yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in you." - Augustine
"Dear God, 'Maybe Cain and Abel wouldn't kill each [other] so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.' Larry" - Children's Letters to God (Workman, 1991)
Three out of every four teenagers have reportedly experimented with witchcraft or psychic-related activities. The most popular of these activities include: using a Ouija board, reading books about witchcraft or Wicca, playing games involving sorcery or witchcraft, having a "professional" do a palm reading, or having their fortune told. - Source: Barna.org (January 2006)
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better think it over. Women like that are hard to find."
"It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated--it is finished when it surrenders." - Ben Stein
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Don't worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they're always watching you." - Robert Fulghum
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited- until you try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: "And in conclusion"
"Pride is tasteless, colorless and sizeless. Yet it is the hardest thing to swallow." - August B. Black
I've Gotta Have It
I've gotta have it. That's the word from a new survey by the Pew Research Center, which asked 2,000 adults over the age of 18 which consumer products are necessities and which are luxuries. Increasingly, conveniences that were once considered luxuries, such as air conditioners, now check in as things we feel we cannot live without. The biggest gainer in the necessity column since a similar survey in 1996? Microwave ovens. Ten years ago, just 32 percent of respondents classified microwaves as a necessity. This year, the figure has risen to 68 percent. Another example is home computers. In 1996, 26 percent of respondents felt they really needed a computer at home. Now that number has risen to 51 percent.
Several products that were barely blips on the technological radar a decade ago are now deemed indispensable as well. Forty-nine percent of people surveyed say they couldn't function without their cell phones; 33 percent must see their cable or satellite TV; and 29 percent deem high-speed Internet service a necessity.
• Does Money or Marriage Bring Happiness?
A new Gallup poll shows more than nine in 10 Americans describe themselves as "happy" and just four percent are "not too happy." About 64 percent of married people said they are very satisfied with the way their personal life is going, compared with 43 percent of singles. Though 72 percent of those with incomes of $75,000 or higher reported being very satisfied with their personal life, researchers found — combining results of polls from the last three years — that marriage may be more strongly associated with personal happiness than money.
"The difference between Christianity and religion is how they are spelled. Religion is spelled 'do' - do this, do that, do, do, do. Christianity is spelled 'done'. Christianity has already done everything needed. We just need to receive the gift of 'done.'"
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.
The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors.
Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which grounds keepers failed to mow.
Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.
Rule 5.
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9(k)
There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny- -pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' short-comings.
Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impracticable for many senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
Please advise all your senior friends of these important rule update
Political Correctness For Kids
Your bedroom isn't cluttered; it's "passage restrictive."
Kids don't get in trouble anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
You're not having a bad hair day; you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
No one's tall anymore. They're "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
Your homework isn't missing; it's just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class; you're "rationing consciousness."
You don't have smelly gym socks; you have "odor retentive athletic footwear."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
'Unfortunately, in this job market guys like you have dropped to nine cents a dozen.'
"You cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations before they arise." Zig Ziglar
Every year it takes less time to fly across the Atlantic, and more time to drive to the office.
The biggest liar in the world is They Say. Douglas Malloch (1877-1938) Poet and writer
"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." -- Napoleon Hill
"The only real limitation on your abilities is the level of your desires. If you want it badly enough, there are no limits on what you can achieve." -- Brian Tracy
posted by joypastordon at 7:07 PM
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