November 19

DURING A VISIT with a friend at an assisted living center, I was invited to stay for lunch. As we entered the cafeteria, she leaned toward me and whispered, "They have two lines here. We call them cane and able."

**Americans who attend church in one week: 102 million
**Americans who attend professional baseball, basketball, and football games in one year: 94 million -- Statistical Abstract of the United States, cited in Emerging Trends

Faith is believing that God is working on the problem even when we cannot see it.

Lord, help me to trust in you even when I cannot see your hand at work. Amen

Letter to send to people who won't hire you [Date Today]
Dear [Interviewer's Name]:
Thank you for your letter of April 17. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely, [Your Name]

The average Christian around the world gives 15 cents a week to foreign missions. The average Christian in Europe gives 25 cents, and the average believer in North America gives 50 cents - less than the cost of a cup of coffee. - Source: Missions Researcher Justin Long

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God...

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Feelings of gratitude release positive endorphins throughout the body, creating health.
Sharon Huffman

When we learn to give thanks, we are learning to concentrate not on the bad things, but on the good things in our lives.

"People are definitely impacted by the culture they consume — the Web sites they visit or the music they listen to, for instance. Pastors need to be informed about what's out there in order to understand how the culture is influencing the people they are trying to reach," Sellers said.

How to install a security system;
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14- 16 work Boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a Copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took
part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

If you're called upon to give advice, you should know that it is like snow: The softer it falls, the deeper it goes.

When a man doesn't care what people think of him, he has reached either the top or the bottom. Croft M. Pentz

The love of God, with arms extended on a cross, bars the way to hell. But if that love is ignored, rejected, and finally refused, there comes a time when love can only weep while man pushed past into the self-chosen alienation that Christ went to the cross to avert.
Michael Green



SIGNS YOU'RE OVERDOING THANKSGIVING........
* Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
* Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
*. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
* You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
* Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
* The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' jon boat!
* The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
* Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
* You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy
* You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games
* That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn
* Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice
* You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty
* It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas
* Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this
* A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000"

"When you meet the devil, you know you are not going his way. If you never meet him, you must be going in the same direction." -Unknown

"Sometimes the most Godly thing we can do is take the day off." - Max Lucado

You Are a Kxy Person "For we are all members of one body."
Xvxn though this typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll, xxcxpt for onx kxy. You'd think that with all thx othhxr kxys working, onx kxy would hardly bx noticxd. But just onx kxy out of whack sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.
Havx you xvxr said to yoursxlf, "I'm only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don't do my bxst."
But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx to bx xffxctivx, a family, an organization, a church or a businxss nxxds complxtx participation by evxryonx to thx bxst of his or hxr ability.
So if you'rx having onx of thosx days whxn you think you just arxn't vxry important, and you'rx txmptxd to slack off, rxmxmbxr this old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson, and whxn you don't do your bxst, nothing xlsx around you works out thx way it is supposxd to.2


"We are all missionaries. Wherever we go, we either bring people nearer to Christ, or we repel them from Christ." - Eric Liddell


Are Christians Narrow-Minded Absolutists?
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"
"Believing in absolutes doesn't make one an absolutist," writes Chuck Colson in his news report "Jubilee" about a TV interview where the host accused him of being an absolutist.
Colson said, "When that TV host asked me why Christians always try to cram our views down people's throats, I was getting nowhere. Then I remembered he loved to sail.
"'Have you ever sailed at night, navigating by the stars?' I asked. 'Yes,' he replied.
"'Could you use those stars to navigate if they appeared in different, random positions every night?'
"'Of course not,' he said slowly.
"I think he got it. Christians are not intolerant absolutists. We just don't want our culture to be lost at sea, unaware of the stars above that could so quickly right our course."
Jesus not only stated emphatically that he was the only way to God the Father but also that, "Heaven can be entered only through the narrow gate! The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide enough for all the multitudes who choose its easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it."3 We can call God an absolutist, too, if we so desire, but to ignore his way leads to our peril—and eternal damnation. God doesn't lead us to our peril.
Had there been any other way to Heaven Jesus would not have had to die on the cross to save us from our sins. Let us thank God that he provided the only way to God, Heaven, and eternal life.
Prayer: "Dear God, I thank you with all my heart that you provided the only way to make my peace with you through giving your Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the price for the forgiveness of my sins and to give me the gift of eternal life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, Amen."

"The church is a sunny place for shady people." - Oswald Hoffman


"The only fear I have is to fear to get out of the will of God. Outside of the will of God, there's nothing I want, and in the will of God there's nothing I fear." - A.W. Tozer

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.

Belief is the acceptance of a map, faith is taking the voyage.

A husband took his wife to the doctor. After an extensive examination, the doctor jokingly said, "I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's mind is completely gone!"
The husband replied, "Doctor, I'm not surprised. It's amazing that it lasted this long. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past twenty-five years!"

"Fear imprisons, Faith liberates;
Fear paralyzes, Faith empowers;
Fear disheartens, Faith encourages;
Fear sickens, Faith heals;
Fear makes useless, Faith makes serviceable;
And most of all, Fear puts hopelessness at the heart of life, while Faith rejoices in it's God." - Henry Emerson Fosdick


"To Whom It May Concern:
"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."

Delivered a short time later:
"That fool was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other line."



Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.