November 26

God does not always change circumstances, but he may often change us.

Question: So How Do I Live As A Child of the King.. it’s a complex question?
Perhaps this quote by Mother Teresa says it best:
“By blood and origin, I am all Albanian. My citizenship is Indian. I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the whole world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to Jesus.”

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

"When you cannot make up your mind which of two evenly balanced courses of action you should take -- choose the bolder." -- William Joseph Slim

"Someone once asked me what I want on my epitaph when I pass away. Just the words - 'I tried.' That's what this game of life is all about. Trying. There's the tryers, the criers, and the liars." -- Mickey Rooney

A Los Angeles Superior Court Judge has been removed from the bench for making false claims such as having worked for the CIA as well as fighting in Vietnam. A lawyer for Judge Patrick Couwenberg is stating that the compulsive lying is due to a condition called, "pseudologia fantastica"...... Yeah - leave the lying to the lawyers, okay?

"The future belongs to the risk-takers, not the comfort-seekers." -- Brian Tracy

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'"

The strong forgive, the weak remember. -- Ecuadorian Proverb


Judge Judy has a yearly salary of $7.8 million. The Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court has a yearly salary of $181, 400. - Forbes Mag

My busy mother sometimes accidentally left pots and pans on the stove with the burners on, so she resorted to posting this reminder on the kitchen door: "STOVE?"
My sister, back from college, noticed Mother's sign. Beneath it she taped her reply: "No -- DOOR! Trust me. I went to college."

"Man, despite his artistic pretensions, his sophistication, and many accomplishments, owes the fact of his existence to a six-inch layer of topsoil and the fact that it rains."

"Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." - Leonardo da Vinci

"He who has begun has half done. Dare to be wise--begin!" - Horace

"I know quite certainly that I myself have no special talent; curiosity, obsession and dogged endurance, combined with self-criticism, have brought me to my ideas." - Albert Einstein

"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ... one step at a time."

"If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm." - Vince Lombard

How to tell if you're celebrating a Redneck Thanksgiving If...
- You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
- Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
- You've ever re-used a paper plate.
- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
- You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
- Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
- Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.
- Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
- You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.


Billy Graham and Oprah
Last year I watched Billy Graham being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey on television. Oprah told him that in her childhood home, she use to watch him preach on a little black and white TV while sitting on a linoleum floor.
She went on to the tell viewers that in his lifetime Billy has preached to twenty-million people around the world, not to mention the countless numbers who have heard him whenever his crusades are broadcast. When she asked if he got nervous before facing a crowd, Billy replied humbly, "No, I don't get nervous before crowds, but I did today before I was going to meet with you."
Oprah's show is broadcast to twenty-million people every day. She is comfortable with famous stars and celebrities but seemed in awe of Dr. Billy Graham.
When the interview ended, she told the audience, "You don't often see this on my show, but we're going to pray." Then she asked Billy to close in prayer. The camera panned the studio audience as they bowed their heads and closed their eyes just like in one of his crusades.
Oprah sang the first line from the song that is his hallmark "Just as I am, without a plea," misreading the line and singing off key, but her voice was full of emotion and almost cracked.
When Billy stood up after the show, instead of hugging her guest, Oprah's usual custom, she went over and just nestled against him. Billy wrapped his arm around her and pulled her under his shoulder. She stood in his fatherly embrace with a look of sheer contentment.
I once read the book "Nestle, Don't Wrestle" by Corrie Ten Boom. The power of nestling was evident on the TV screen that day. Billy Graham was not the least bit condemning, distant, nor hesitant to embrace a public personality who may not fit the evangelistic mold. His grace and courage are sometimes stunning.
In an interview with Hugh Downs, on the 20/20 program, the subject turned to homosexuality. Hugh looked directly at Billy and said, "If you had a homosexual child, would you love him?" Billy didn't miss a beat. He replied with sincerity and gentleness, "Why, I would love that one even more."
The title of Billy's autobiography, "Just As I Am," says it all. His life goes before him speaking as eloquently as that charming southern drawl for which he is known.
If, when I am eighty years old, my autobiography were to be titled "Just As I Am," I wonder how I would live now? Do I have the courage to be me? I'll never be a Billy Graham, the elegant man who draws people to the Lord through a simple one-point message, but I hope to be a person who is real and compassionate and who might draw people to nestle within God's embrace.
Do you make it a point to speak to a visitor or person who shows up alone at church, buy a hamburger for a homeless man, call your mother on Sunday afternoons, pick daisies with a little girl, or take a fatherless boy to a baseball game?
Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful you look when you're looking for what's beautiful in someone else?
Billy complimented Oprah when asked what he was most thankful for; he said, "Salvation given to us in Jesus Christ" then added, "and the way you have made people all over this country aware of the power of being grateful."
When asked his secret of love, being married fifty-four years to the same person, he said, "Ruth and I are happily incompatible."
How unexpected. We would all live more comfortably with everybody around us if we would find the strength in being grateful and happily incompatible.
Let's take the things that set us apart, that make us different, that cause us to disagree, and make them an occasion to compliment each other and be thankful for each other. Let us be big enough to be smaller than our neighbor, spouse, friends, and strangers.
Every day, may we Nestle, not Wrestle!


The United States Department of Agriculture estimates that 265 million turkeys will be raised in the United States in 2006 - up three percent from 2005. Together, all the turkeys produced in the United States in 2005 weighed 7.2 billion pounds and were valued at $3.2 billion. - Source: U.S. Census Department

How to tell if you're celebrating a Redneck Thanksgiving If...
- You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
- Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.
- You've ever re-used a paper plate.
- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip' on the side.
- You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
- Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.
- Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.
- Your stuffing secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
- Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.
- Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.
- The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
- You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
- You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
- Your secret family recipe is illegal.
- You serve Vienna Sausage as an appetizer.

In some parts of Mexico hot springs and cold springs are found side by side--and because of the convenience of this natural phenomenon the women often bring their laundry and boil their clothes in the hot springs and then rinse them in the cold ones. A tourist who was watching this procedure commented to his Mexican friend and guide: "I imagine that they think old Mother Nature is pretty generous to supply such ample, clean hot and cold water here side by side for their free use." The guide replied, "No señor, there is much grumbling because she supplies no soap. "

November 19

DURING A VISIT with a friend at an assisted living center, I was invited to stay for lunch. As we entered the cafeteria, she leaned toward me and whispered, "They have two lines here. We call them cane and able."

**Americans who attend church in one week: 102 million
**Americans who attend professional baseball, basketball, and football games in one year: 94 million -- Statistical Abstract of the United States, cited in Emerging Trends

Faith is believing that God is working on the problem even when we cannot see it.

Lord, help me to trust in you even when I cannot see your hand at work. Amen

Letter to send to people who won't hire you [Date Today]
Dear [Interviewer's Name]:
Thank you for your letter of April 17. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Acme Inc.'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely, [Your Name]

The average Christian around the world gives 15 cents a week to foreign missions. The average Christian in Europe gives 25 cents, and the average believer in North America gives 50 cents - less than the cost of a cup of coffee. - Source: Missions Researcher Justin Long

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God...

ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
Feelings of gratitude release positive endorphins throughout the body, creating health.
Sharon Huffman

When we learn to give thanks, we are learning to concentrate not on the bad things, but on the good things in our lives.

"People are definitely impacted by the culture they consume — the Web sites they visit or the music they listen to, for instance. Pastors need to be informed about what's out there in order to understand how the culture is influencing the people they are trying to reach," Sellers said.

How to install a security system;
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14- 16 work Boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a Copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took
part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

If you're called upon to give advice, you should know that it is like snow: The softer it falls, the deeper it goes.

When a man doesn't care what people think of him, he has reached either the top or the bottom. Croft M. Pentz

The love of God, with arms extended on a cross, bars the way to hell. But if that love is ignored, rejected, and finally refused, there comes a time when love can only weep while man pushed past into the self-chosen alienation that Christ went to the cross to avert.
Michael Green



SIGNS YOU'RE OVERDOING THANKSGIVING........
* Hundreds of volunteers have started to stack sandbags around you.
* Doctor tells you your weight would be perfect for a man 17 feet tall.
*. You are responsible for a slight but measurable shift in the earth's axis.
* You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
* Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
* The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' jon boat!
* The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
* Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
* You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy
* You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games
* That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn
* Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice
* You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty
* It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas
* Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this
* A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000"

"When you meet the devil, you know you are not going his way. If you never meet him, you must be going in the same direction." -Unknown

"Sometimes the most Godly thing we can do is take the day off." - Max Lucado

You Are a Kxy Person "For we are all members of one body."
Xvxn though this typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll, xxcxpt for onx kxy. You'd think that with all thx othhxr kxys working, onx kxy would hardly bx noticxd. But just onx kxy out of whack sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.
Havx you xvxr said to yoursxlf, "I'm only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don't do my bxst."
But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx to bx xffxctivx, a family, an organization, a church or a businxss nxxds complxtx participation by evxryonx to thx bxst of his or hxr ability.
So if you'rx having onx of thosx days whxn you think you just arxn't vxry important, and you'rx txmptxd to slack off, rxmxmbxr this old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson, and whxn you don't do your bxst, nothing xlsx around you works out thx way it is supposxd to.2


"We are all missionaries. Wherever we go, we either bring people nearer to Christ, or we repel them from Christ." - Eric Liddell


Are Christians Narrow-Minded Absolutists?
"Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"
"Believing in absolutes doesn't make one an absolutist," writes Chuck Colson in his news report "Jubilee" about a TV interview where the host accused him of being an absolutist.
Colson said, "When that TV host asked me why Christians always try to cram our views down people's throats, I was getting nowhere. Then I remembered he loved to sail.
"'Have you ever sailed at night, navigating by the stars?' I asked. 'Yes,' he replied.
"'Could you use those stars to navigate if they appeared in different, random positions every night?'
"'Of course not,' he said slowly.
"I think he got it. Christians are not intolerant absolutists. We just don't want our culture to be lost at sea, unaware of the stars above that could so quickly right our course."
Jesus not only stated emphatically that he was the only way to God the Father but also that, "Heaven can be entered only through the narrow gate! The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide enough for all the multitudes who choose its easy way. But the gateway to life is small, and the road is narrow, and only a few ever find it."3 We can call God an absolutist, too, if we so desire, but to ignore his way leads to our peril—and eternal damnation. God doesn't lead us to our peril.
Had there been any other way to Heaven Jesus would not have had to die on the cross to save us from our sins. Let us thank God that he provided the only way to God, Heaven, and eternal life.
Prayer: "Dear God, I thank you with all my heart that you provided the only way to make my peace with you through giving your Son, Jesus, to die on the cross to pay the price for the forgiveness of my sins and to give me the gift of eternal life. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, Amen."

"The church is a sunny place for shady people." - Oswald Hoffman


"The only fear I have is to fear to get out of the will of God. Outside of the will of God, there's nothing I want, and in the will of God there's nothing I fear." - A.W. Tozer

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.
This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus composed of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons, 25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-neutrons all going round in circles.
Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization.
Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.

Belief is the acceptance of a map, faith is taking the voyage.

A husband took his wife to the doctor. After an extensive examination, the doctor jokingly said, "I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's mind is completely gone!"
The husband replied, "Doctor, I'm not surprised. It's amazing that it lasted this long. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past twenty-five years!"

"Fear imprisons, Faith liberates;
Fear paralyzes, Faith empowers;
Fear disheartens, Faith encourages;
Fear sickens, Faith heals;
Fear makes useless, Faith makes serviceable;
And most of all, Fear puts hopelessness at the heart of life, while Faith rejoices in it's God." - Henry Emerson Fosdick


"To Whom It May Concern:
"Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity, in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
executed as soon as possible."

Delivered a short time later:
"That fool was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the letter sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only every other line."



Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

November 12

The purpose of the church, financially, is not to accumulate as much money as possible but to give away as much as possible. -- Jerry Hayner

** If your family doesn't appreciate you, take heart. Jesus faced the same thing in his family. –Max Lucado

MONEY
It can buy you a House, But not a Home.
It can buy you a Bed, But not Sleep.
It can buy you a Clock, But not Time.
It can buy you a Book, But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position, But not Respect.
It can buy you Medicine, But not Health.
It can buy you Blood, But not Life.


How much is a billion?
What's the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire?

A million seconds is 13 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years!

A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

A billion dollars ago was yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.According to statistics of Christian Churches today. The breakdown of giving looks like this:
20% of members Give 80% of all funds
30% of members Give the other 20%
50% of members Give nothing – ever!


As Gandhi stepped aboard a train one day, one of his shoes slipped off and landed on the track. He was unable to retrieve it as the train was moving. To the amazement of his companions, Gandhi calmly took off his other shoe and threw it back along the track to land close to the first. Asked by a fellow passenger why he did so, Gandhi smiled. "The poor man who finds the shoes lying on the track," he replied, "will now have a pair he can use."

(Paul Harvey, Nov. 1995): The Butterball Turkey company set up a hotline to answer consumer questions about preparing holiday turkeys. One woman called to inquire about cooking a turkey that had been in her freezer for 23 years.
The operator told her it might be safe if the freezer had been kept below 0 degrees the entire time. But the operator warned the woman that, even if it were safe, the flavor had probably deteriorated, and she wouldn’t recommend eating it.
The caller replied, “That’s what we thought. We’ll just give it to the church.”
APPLY: Why does that strike us as funny? She was consecrating that Turkey to God, wasn’t she? What she was offering was still good – wasn’t it??? BUT tho’ it may have been “consecrated”… though it still was “good,” it wasn’t going to taste good or smell good.

Vince Lombardi believed that mental attitude accounted for 75 percent of the ingredients of winning. Everyone wants to win, but most people don't believe they can, and therefore give up before they have tried. The more you believe you can win, the harder you will work. The
harder you work, the more you will believe you can win, and the longer you will persist until you succeed.

According to a recent report, charitable giving in America has increased less than one percent over the past few years. During the same time span, however, debt payments have risen 550 percent, while our entertainment spending is up 123 percent. Not surprisingly, the average consumer in this country spends $1.05 to $1.10 for every dollar of income. The figures are startling, even for a society where millions of people live in various degrees of financial debt."
Giving is an attitude. It is a way of life. Some people are givers—others takers—and some are keepers. Whether we give of our money, time, talents, or love, as Jesus reminds us, "Give and it will be given to you." And I think I could safely say, "Take and the most valuable things of life will be taken from you."
Prayer, "Dear God, please help me to be a giver, first to you and then to others—and never just a taker or a keeper. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."


If the devil were to write his beatitudes, they would probably go something like this:
1. Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they are my best workers.
2. Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked -- I can use them.
3. Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my missionaries.
4. Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.
5. Blessed are the complainers -- I'm all ears to them.
6. Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.
7. Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church, for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.
8. Blessed are those who judge & gossip -- for they shall cause strife and divisions that please me.
9. Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get angry and quit.
10. Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work
-- for they are my helpers.
11. Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister
-- for he shall be with me forever.
12. Blessed are you who, when you read this think it is about other people
and not yourself -- I've got you too!

HOW BIBLICAL HEADLINES MIGHT APPEAR TODAY:
On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will-Reading to be Delayed

We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers, wider freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, buy more, but enjoy it less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences but less time. We have more college degrees but less sense, more knowledge but less judgment. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, but not life to years. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We build more computers to hold more information that we print on more paper than every before, but we communicate less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, tall people and short character, steep profits but shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses but broken homes.

November 5

"When men believe God, they speak boldly. When they doubt, they confer." -- A.W. Tozer

"Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness." -- Unknown.

Video of Steve Irwin - This video beautifully captures one of the greatest examples of passion and enthusiasm this planet has seen for quite some time. You MUST see this video. http://youtube.com/watch?v=5MppLxCVr9k

A bishop of Sweden once said… “Saints are those who make it easier for us to believe in God."
Robert Louis Stevenson said.. "Saints are sinners who keep on going."

A saint is one who is faithful in all circumstances, one whose identity is not shaken by the daily circumstances, the ups and downs of life.

"And There will be Three"
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother
moves in with us."

"Much of our difficulty as seeking Christians stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly. We insist upon trying to modify Him and to bring Him nearer to our own image." - A.W. Tozer

The "But first... Syndrome" (Author Unknown)
The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. There is an ailment many of us suffer from and many have not, as yet, been diagnosed. However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn't.
It's called the "But first...Syndrome." It's like when I decide to do the laundry. I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I'm going to do the laundry - But first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. Okay, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack, But first I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where's the checkbook?
Oops! There's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook, But first I need to put the glass in the sink.
I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away, But first I need to water those plants.
Head for door and Ack! I stepped on the dog. The dog needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants. But first I need to feed the dog.
At the end of day: Laundry is not done, Newspapers are still on the floor, Glass is still in the sink, Bills are unpaid, Checkbook is still missing, The dog ate the remote control. AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled, because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY!
I realize this condition is serious....and I should get help, But first I think I'll read all my e-mail.

"Pray For Me" One Sunday in church, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"

Wouldn't the world be different if we treated the Bible the way we treat our cell phones:
. What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
. What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
. What if we flipped through it several times a day?
. What if we used it to receive messages?
. What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
. What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
. What if we used it as we traveled?
. What if we used it in case of an emergency?
. What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?
This is something to make you go...hmmm...where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phones, we don't ever have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!

Computer Terms, Defined by Rednecks:
Hard Drive: Getting home in mud season.
Mouse: What eats the horses' grain in the barn.
BAR CODE: Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
SUPERCONDUCTOR: Amtrak's Employee of the year
CHIP: Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
Infrared: Where the leftovers go when Fred's around.
KEYBOARD: Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MODEM: What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
HARDCOPY: Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
MEGAHERTZ: How your head feels after 17 beers

Website http://www.theworstsite.com/?id=iconstory

JOY 10
What Retirees Do
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a looser. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a Nazi. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, we didn't care, our car was parked around the corner. And the car he was writing up had a "HILLARY IN 2008" on it. We try to have a little fun each day now that we are retired. It's important at our age.

Encouragement
"Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."1
Even if you are aware of why geese fly in ">" formation, it is a good reminder for us humans. As each bird flaps its wings, it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By doing this, the whole flock adds at least 71 percent greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone—and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.
When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back and another goose flies point. Also, the following geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep on keeping on and to keep up their speed.
Also, when a goose gets sick or is wounded by gunshot, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or until it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.
We would do well to follow the example of the geese.
Prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be a good team member to lead when it is my turn, and to be a good follower and encourager when another is taking the lead. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

It doesn't do much good to put your best foot forward if you are dragging the other one.

"Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them." - John Maxwell


Life Sayings from Country Folks
- Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
- Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
- Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.
- Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
- You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
- Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.
- It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
- You can't unsay a cruel thing.
- When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

Translations of Help Wanted Ads
Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

USING THE RIGHT WORDS
Mark Twain once said that the difference between the right word and the nearly right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. In other words, it's huge. What we say and don't say ... matters. Words have the power to heal and to hurt. They have the ability to win people over or wound them for years to come. It's very important that we choose our words wisely. ... God can help us with that if we ask Him. --John Hull and Tim Elmore


Thought for Today "Much of our difficulty as seeking Christians stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly. We insist upon trying to modify Him and to bring Him nearer to our own image." - A.W. Tozer

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.
"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." Theodore Roosevelt 1907

- The marvels of today's modern technology include the soda can, which when discarded, will last forever and a $20,000 car, which when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
- I'm not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.
- Many a good man has failed because he had his wishbone where his backbone should have been.
- Laughter is an instant vacation.
- You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
- Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- He's the kind of man you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
- Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.
- Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
- Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Money isn't everything....there's credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

Sign at animal shelter: Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten.