Feb 28

My wife clipped a job listing out of the paper for me. She said it wasn't much to start out... but a huge pay raise. It read, "Salary: 23k to start. 401k after 1 yr."


While watching a movie recently, I couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of me. Unable to bear it any longer, I tapped one of them on the
shoulder. "Excuse me," I said, "I can't hear." "I should hope not," she replied sharply. "This is a private conversation."


- Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
- You will never stand alone while standing on the Word of God. -- Kathryn Souza-Wine
- Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives. - Lawana Blackwell
- "We make ourselves rich by making our wants few." -Henry David Thor
- "I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean." - G. K. Chesterton
- "Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell."
- Love is not blind- it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. - Rabbi Julius Gordon
- Worriers spend a lot of time shoveling smoke. Claude McDonald
- If you believe what you like in the gospels, and reject what you don't like, it is not the gospel you believe, but yourself. --Augustine

"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," bragged one lady to another in their social club. "How far does your family go back?" She asked "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood."

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. -Ashley Montagu
"Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I have left a can of motivation somewhere and I cant find it I even looked under the sofa ... all I found under there though was a can of "procrastination" and a jar of "Ill do it later" which I think one is name brand and the other must be store brand because they are exactly the same thing!
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can't find them, make them. -- G.B. Shaw

JOY 9
If the Lord be with us, we have no cause of fear. His eye is upon us, His arm over us, His ear open to our prayer, His grace sufficient, His promise unchangeable. John Newton

If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention.
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends ... B1.
The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Minds are like parachutes ... they function only when open.
Ideas won't work unless YOU do.
One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.
One who lacks the courage to start has already finished.
The heaviest thing to carry is a grudge.
You don't learn safety rules by accident.
We lie the loudest when we lie to ourselves.
Jumping to conclusions can be bad exercise.
A turtle makes progress only when it sticks its head out.
One thing you can give and still keep ... is your word.
A friend walks in when everyone else walks out.
The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a lifetime!

Reality Check Well, Think About It! by Stan Mitchell
"Imagine for a moment," Jim Baird asks, "what theories alien sociologists would form about our culture if they were judging us simply by the television programming we have been sending them at the speed of light over the last thirty years"
"They would," he remarks, "know a lot about handguns and how to wreck cars." Thanks to laugh tracks they would have "elaborate" and "wildly inaccurate" theories about what we think is funny. And they would conclude that the greatest decision in human existence, the one that makes all the difference is "what mixture of caramel-colored, gas-laden sugar water to drink."
But our space aliens would not know one thing about Americans from watching television. They could not possibly know that nine out of ten of us believe in God, eight out of ten of us pray regularly, that seven out of ten Americans are church members, and that six out of ten Americans claim that religion is the dominant factor in our lives.
Our alien scholars would have hardly any information on religion at all. There might, once
in a while, be a program which depicts a religious person as either hypocritical or hopelessly out of touch with reality.
Religion on television has been sequestered. There is religion, and then there is the "real world," according to this view of life.
In reality, however, there is a God. His son acted decisively in history to solve humanity's most profound problem. His word provides guidance for the greatest reality of all.
He will judge the living and the dead. He will consign every soul, living and dead, to an eternal destiny.
The aliens wouldn't know that from watching television. The tragedy is, neither will many
Americans.
"Do not be amazed at this, for a time is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and come out – those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned" (John 5:28,29).
Could someone please direct those aliens to a bookstore?


w "In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." -- Albert Schweitzer

“Our success is directly related to our clarity and honesty about who we are, who we’re not, where we want to go, and how we’re going to get there.” —Howard Behar

“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances.” —Thomas Jefferson

“When you know clearly what you want, you’ll wake up every morning excited about life.” —Mark Victor Hansen

“No man can always be right. So the struggle is to do one’s best, to keep the brain and conscience clear, never to be swayed by unworthy motives or inconsequential reasons, but to strive to unearth the basic factors involved, then do one’s duty.” —Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment. -- Ralph Marston

"To make mistakes is human; to stumble is common-place; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.-- William Arthur Ward

"Train up a child in the way he should go, but be sure to go that way yourself."

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in your garage makes you a car.
Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!

"There are plenty of rules for attaining success, but none of them work unless you do!" -- Mark Twain

"God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer." -- Mother Teresa
"There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence transform a yellow spot into the sun." -- Pablo Picasso quite a time on the TV show last week—who would have thought that
A Quaker farmer was milking his cows, and near the end of the milking one of the cows lifted tail, swished him hard across the face, shifted legs and, with the free leg, kicked both the farmer and the milk pail (nearly full of milk) spilling it into the farmer's shoes.
"Oh, dear cow," said the Quaker, "thou knowest that my pacifism dost not allow me to beat thee, that I canst not even curse thee for these impertinent actions. Thou mayest believe that thou canst escape retribution for this pagan action. And, thou mayest even thinkest thee smarter than myself.
"But what thou knowest not is that I can sell thee to Ole, my Norwegian
Lutheran neighbor, who canst beat the living tar out of thee."

There is only one group of people who don't have problems and they're all dead. Problems are a sign of life. So the more problems you have, the more alive you are.
Norman Vincent Peale (1898 - 1993)

Thought for the week: "Make big decisions in the calm."-- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Most Would Remarry Their Spouse
In a new CBS News poll, nine out of 10 (90%) married Americans said they would marry their spouse again, a percentage which has barely changed since 1995 (93%). Ninety-five percent of men said they would marry their wives again compared to 85 percent of women saying the same. When asked to pick what is most important in a successful relationship, about half picked "Respect" (49%), followed by "Trust" (37%), and a "Sense of humor" (10%). "Sex" was picked by two percent and "Money" by zero percent. [CBSNews.com]

When Bad Things Happen
"I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have--life itself." Walter Anderson, Author of The Confidence Course: Seven Steps to Self-Fulfillment



HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX:
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: "FEE-NICKS".
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the "I-10" are the same road.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects the wind to change; the realist adjusts the sails." -- Unknown

"Long-range goals keep you from being frustrated by short-term failures." -- J.C. Penney

"Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul." -- Douglas MacArthur