June 3

"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way." Unknown
Wouldn't you rather live your life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live your life as if there isn't, and die then find out there is?

How well I have learned that there is no fence to sit on between heaven and hell. There is a deep, wide gulf, a chasm, and in that chasm is no place for any man.”

"A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future."

Don't confuse mere inconveniences with real problems."

"I shall adopt new views as fast as they shall appear to be true views." - Abraham Lincoln

"If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." -- Mary Engelbreit

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future."

"Do not spend $1000 worth of emotion on a 5-cent trivia."

"Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours that were given to Helen Keller, Louis Pasteur, Mother Teresa, Thomas Jefferson and Albert Einstein."

Good health questions & answers
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it, don't waste them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.
Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.


"Arrogance and rudeness are training wheels on the bicycle of life - for weak people who cannot keep their balance without them." - Laura Teresa Marquez

"The secret to having everything you want out of life is the realization that you really don't want most of the things you think you want." - Bo Bennett

In 1965 47-year-old Francois Raffray made a deal with then 90-year-old Jeanne Calment. He agreed to pay her $500 a month for the rest of her life in exchange for her condo when she died. He paid her that sum for the next 30 years until he died at age 77 in 1995. In all Francois paid more than three times the market value for the condo. She died two years later at age 122, the longest living person in modern history. - Source: Wikipedia & The International Herald Tribune

"Make no mistake about it, this drama and this Kingdom's agenda is at the center of the meaning of cosmic history and your own individual story. Like a grand conductor who calls in the flutes at just the right time, your Father has brought you into the Cosmic Symphony at your unique place in time and space so you can be a vibrant outpost in your sphere of influence. In short, you are here to be an apprentice of the Lord Jesus to learn how to live your life well as part of God's broader purposes. This is your calling, this is your destiny, this is your only chance to have a life of genuine, full human flourishing." - J.P. Moreland, Kingdom Triangle (Zondervan, 2007)

"The more I practice, the luckier I get." - Jerry Barber

THE OX IN THE DITCH
Jesus spoke about the ox in the ditch on the Sabbath. But if your ox gets in the ditch every Sabbath, you should either get rid of the ox or fill up the ditch. --Billy Graham

HEAVEN KNOWS
A sign in front of a church in Austin, Texas, read: "Heaven knows when you were here last."

FACES IN THE CROWD
On any given Sunday, several faces can be spotted in the congregation. For example:
--The Frozen Face. They are trapped in a kind of religious trance. They sit there until that dreadful hour passes because there is not much they can do about it.
--The Frowning Face. Thankfully there are not many of these. But there are a few. They are not about to adopt any attitude other than that of being bored stiff.
--The Faraway Face. They are here, but they are not really here. Their mind is a million miles away. They are preoccupied with many things other than worship.
--The Friendly Face. Thank God for these dear people. They are, by far, the majority. They come with an expectant heart. They pray from the heart. They lift up their hearts to the Lord in praise and worship through their singing.
Why do you come to church? Is it to play or to participate? --Author Unknown


BRING A FRIEND
A potentially dangerous situation has developed in the church sanctuary. The pews, which are as old as the church, have begun to dry out. This loss of moisture, and the subsequent loss of weight, has led to the distinct possibility that they might float free.
This presents the possibility that during worship, a free-floating pew could damage a member or guest. Further, it is believed that even if a member or a guest were able successfully to dodge an oncoming free-floating pew, the evasive action would certainly disrupt the spiritual tranquility of the worshipping dodger.
The problem was brought before a committee in the latter part of last year. The committee first considered using steel cables to anchor the pews to bedrock, which is 247 feet beneath the church. After receiving the cost estimate of $14,912.77 and extensive consultations with engineers, this idea was abandoned. The committee, after deliberating, decided that adding weight to the pews would be a better solution to the problem. The committee considered using brass scrap or lead ingots but they proved to be too expensive. Pig iron was found to be cheaper, but it, like brass and lead, had a certain lifeless quality. The committee searched for a medium density object which was both sparkling and vibrant.
After sifting through all of the possibilities, the committee has opted to use warm bodies to weigh down the pews, and the committee is asking the membership to provide the necessary weight. This can be done by coming to church and, if possible, by bringing a medium density object (in the form of a friend or neighbor) with you.

"I think we need to be constantly reminded that Jesus, by the standards of cultural success models, was a miserable failure." - Gordon MacDonald

"People who get the most done, who make their lives really count for something, are the ones who don't wait around for the perfect mood or moment. If something ought to be done, they get started and keep going."