August 2
A small boy told a Sunday school teacher: "When you die, God takes care of you like your parents did when you were alive — only God doesn't yell at you all the time."
Now That’s Hot The highest temperature recorded anywhere on Earth was in Aziziyah, Libya, in September of 1922 – 136 degrees Fahrenheit.
The highest temperature recorded in the United States was in Death Valley, Calif., in July of 1913 – 134 degrees Fahrenheit.
"Praise isn’t a response to our circumstances, which are constantly changing. Praise is a response to the goodness of God who never changes." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"
A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."
The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could
you do that, Mr. Perkins?"
The member of the flock said, "I sure could."
"How would you do it?"
"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
A Messy Kitchen real signs found in the real kitchens of real people.
"A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious."
"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."
"If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap."
"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
"My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
God-shaped Vacuum
"There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ." Blaise Pascal
"An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run." -- Sydney J. Harris
"Your behavior is what you believe; all the rest is just talk." --
"Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." -- Ann Landers
"It is when we face ourselves and face Christ, that we are lost in wonder, love and praise. We need to rediscover the almost lost discipline of self-examination; and then a re-awakened sense of sin will beget a re-awakened sense of wonder." -- Andrew Murray
"Bigness comes from doing many small things well. Individually, they are not very dramatic transactions. Together, though, they add up." -- Edward S. Finkelstein
"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records." -- William A. Ward
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "And I gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
As a young electronics graduate many years ago, I remember unpacking a new oscilloscope, the latest and best of its class. Several hours later, having only achieved mixed results, I decided to open the manual. The first page stated in large bold letters: "Now you've tried it your way, try it our way."1
Good advice for all who want to live and die God's way!
COW GROANERS
- From a forgetful cow you'd get Milk of Amnesia.
- When the bull lays down in the field, we call that bull-dozin'.
- You know why the cow jumped over the moon? - The farmer had cold hands.
- Do Russians get their milk from Moscows?
- What's the favorite key for cows to sing in? Beef-flat.
- I knew a farmer with a sick cow. The vet said it was the worst case of hay fever he'd ever seen.
- Yesterday I saw a cow walking backward. It went, "Oom."
- I heard about this cow who could actually drive a car. Had to quit after getting a ticket, though. - It was a moo-ving violation.
- I read about a scientist who crossed a cow with a duck because he was in a mood for milk and quackers.
Satisfying Ones Needs - Materialism
Bread has power but in the end its power will fail. Bread can buy you land but not love; it can buy you bonds but not brotherhood; gold but not gladness; silver but not sincerity; hospitals but not health; 3 karats but not character; houses but not homes. You can trade bread for commodities but not comfort, real-estate but not righteousness, hotels but not heaven.
To satisfy your hunger for heaven you cannot eat the bread of earth, you must eat the bread of God. That bread is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.
Bread Is Wondrous
Ladislas M. Orsy wrote: "There is something wondrous in the taste of bread. It is so ordinary yet it is so good. It is very democratic. It nourishes the poor and the rich. It goes well with meat or fish, with fruit or cheese. It may return three times a day to the table; it may even stay there all day long. Yet it never outstays its welcome." Jesus Christ said, "I myself am the bread of life. No one who comes to me shall ever be hungry; no one who believes in me shall ever thirst."
These sayings point to some of our society's attitudes about food: 'only junk food is enjoyable', 'food is meant to satisfy us', 'if I had to cook it, it doesn't taste good', and 'as long as it's not good for me, I should eat as much as I want'. We stuff ourselves, trying to fill the hole inside of us with food, as if we could eat something that would satisfy us. But we could stuff ourselves at every meal and still be hungry for something deeper!
"There is nothing that is more dangerous to your own salvation, more unworthy of God and more harmful to your own happiness, than that you should be content to remain as you are." - Francois Fenelon, French Archbishop, 444 Surprising Quotes about Jesus
"My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?" - Dave Attell
"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Now That’s Hot The highest temperature recorded anywhere on Earth was in Aziziyah, Libya, in September of 1922 – 136 degrees Fahrenheit.
The highest temperature recorded in the United States was in Death Valley, Calif., in July of 1913 – 134 degrees Fahrenheit.
"Praise isn’t a response to our circumstances, which are constantly changing. Praise is a response to the goodness of God who never changes." --Nancy Leigh DeMoss:
A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'"
A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that."
The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could
you do that, Mr. Perkins?"
The member of the flock said, "I sure could."
"How would you do it?"
"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
A Messy Kitchen real signs found in the real kitchens of real people.
"A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious."
"A clean house is a sign of a misspent life."
"If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap."
"Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator."
"My next house will have no kitchen, just vending machines."
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
God-shaped Vacuum
"There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every person, and it can never be filled by any created thing. It can only be filled by God, made known through Jesus Christ." Blaise Pascal
"An idealist believes the short run doesn't count. A cynic believes the long run doesn't matter. A realist believes that what is done or left undone in the short run determines the long run." -- Sydney J. Harris
"Your behavior is what you believe; all the rest is just talk." --
"Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it, and to bear an injustice without wanting to get even." -- Ann Landers
"It is when we face ourselves and face Christ, that we are lost in wonder, love and praise. We need to rediscover the almost lost discipline of self-examination; and then a re-awakened sense of sin will beget a re-awakened sense of wonder." -- Andrew Murray
"Bigness comes from doing many small things well. Individually, they are not very dramatic transactions. Together, though, they add up." -- Edward S. Finkelstein
"Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records." -- William A. Ward
The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."
The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "And I gave you the two extra copies you asked for."
As a young electronics graduate many years ago, I remember unpacking a new oscilloscope, the latest and best of its class. Several hours later, having only achieved mixed results, I decided to open the manual. The first page stated in large bold letters: "Now you've tried it your way, try it our way."1
Good advice for all who want to live and die God's way!
COW GROANERS
- From a forgetful cow you'd get Milk of Amnesia.
- When the bull lays down in the field, we call that bull-dozin'.
- You know why the cow jumped over the moon? - The farmer had cold hands.
- Do Russians get their milk from Moscows?
- What's the favorite key for cows to sing in? Beef-flat.
- I knew a farmer with a sick cow. The vet said it was the worst case of hay fever he'd ever seen.
- Yesterday I saw a cow walking backward. It went, "Oom."
- I heard about this cow who could actually drive a car. Had to quit after getting a ticket, though. - It was a moo-ving violation.
- I read about a scientist who crossed a cow with a duck because he was in a mood for milk and quackers.
Satisfying Ones Needs - Materialism
Bread has power but in the end its power will fail. Bread can buy you land but not love; it can buy you bonds but not brotherhood; gold but not gladness; silver but not sincerity; hospitals but not health; 3 karats but not character; houses but not homes. You can trade bread for commodities but not comfort, real-estate but not righteousness, hotels but not heaven.
To satisfy your hunger for heaven you cannot eat the bread of earth, you must eat the bread of God. That bread is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.
Bread Is Wondrous
Ladislas M. Orsy wrote: "There is something wondrous in the taste of bread. It is so ordinary yet it is so good. It is very democratic. It nourishes the poor and the rich. It goes well with meat or fish, with fruit or cheese. It may return three times a day to the table; it may even stay there all day long. Yet it never outstays its welcome." Jesus Christ said, "I myself am the bread of life. No one who comes to me shall ever be hungry; no one who believes in me shall ever thirst."
These sayings point to some of our society's attitudes about food: 'only junk food is enjoyable', 'food is meant to satisfy us', 'if I had to cook it, it doesn't taste good', and 'as long as it's not good for me, I should eat as much as I want'. We stuff ourselves, trying to fill the hole inside of us with food, as if we could eat something that would satisfy us. But we could stuff ourselves at every meal and still be hungry for something deeper!
"There is nothing that is more dangerous to your own salvation, more unworthy of God and more harmful to your own happiness, than that you should be content to remain as you are." - Francois Fenelon, French Archbishop, 444 Surprising Quotes about Jesus
"My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?" - Dave Attell
"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
posted by joypastordon at 7:44 PM
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